The past week has not been high on my list of "good weeks!"
Seems everything I'm involved in, planning to do, need to arrange, has had more than its fair share of glitches.
And right now, I'm just sick of it all. Or maybe, I'm just sick. Or, is it sick and tired? Disgruntled? Disgusted? Depressed?
Yeah, all of the above and then some.
Things happened last week that began with a quick visit from a friend who had some ideas and plans for an upcoming event here. I listened to her ideas -which were totally different from what the group planning this event had decided we were going to do. Truthfully, I didn't care much for the changes she was proposing but agreed to allow this to be discussed at a meeting we had planned to have Sunday after church.
And so it was the the "changer" brought in copies of her outline for what was needed for us to do -start to finish -to plan out this event! And from there on out, it was that things were pushed and shoved, so to speak, that whether folks agreed with her agenda or not, this was the way it was to be primarily I do believe, because she deemed to to be that way!
And so now I am alternately ticked off, upset, hurt, as well as downright depressed too over the way this whole situation evolved and took on a life of its own now too!
There were numerous occasions during out "discussions" when I darned near bit a hole -several holes, as a matter of fact -in my tongue. If nothing else, I did prove to myself that I could control my mouth from overloading my brain if I tried hard enough!
But baby, it was a tough thing for me to do and I may have already developed ulcers from all the stress of not speaking what was REALLY on my mind.
When one member of the group who, obviously, is in favor of our asking people to make and donate pies as well as CHEESECAKES for desserts for this event announced that cheesecakes are so easy to make that she and her daughter could easily whip all that would be needed in the way of cheesecakes in a very short period of time, I was sorely tempted to respond to that with the comment of "Knock yourself out!" (Say that and use your most sarcastic tone of voice and maybe I'll feel a bit of relief from the tenseness that seems to be blanketing me today!
I'm normally quite willing to make (i.e. cook/bake) most anything needed for any of these kind of events but because I will not volunteer myself to bake and donate pies, for openers, I hesitate to ask others to do that. Why? Because much as I love pie -virtually any flavor too -I will not offer to make this because I have so many problems with rolling out pie crust and getting it into the pan -in one piece so the pie doesn't look like a patchwork quilt and thus, ugly and therefore, I won't ask others to make them either then -unless they offer to do that of their own accord!
My ex-mother-in-law, my grandmother, a couple of my great-aunts and other aunts/cousins too were all really adept at pie making/baking. I marveled while watching my mother-in-law roll out a perfect sized pie crust in about 6-8 swoops with the rolling pin. Presto Magic! It was ready to go in the pie pan and it went in with not even a single tiny speck of the dough falling off, no cracking of the dough as she laid it out in the pan and then after adding her filling, performed the same type of miracle with the upper crust too!
It would take me a hell of a lot longer with a lot more effort and tons of cuss words tossed around the air for good measure too in order to just get the dough in the pan -usually really to fall apart or often, with pieces of the dough having fallen away and then I'd be there, patting and pushing trying to get the dough to come back together and form the crust for me! There have been a lot of times when it would fall apart so much that I'd try again to form it into another ball of dough and try to roll out the crust once again and if I failed at that too many time, I've even -on occasion -gotten so upset, angry, disgusted with the way the whole project was going that I would gather up the dough into a ball yet one more time but then, instead of trying to roll out the crust layers again, I'd just simply toss that ball of much worn-out dough by that time, into the old garbage pail!
Cheesecake and me -another food item I dearly love to eat but baking it -now that's a horse of a different color for sure! In my entire life -not counting package mixes where you mix up a nice little graham cracker crust and blend the contents of a little package into some milk, etc., and poof -you've got a cheesecake of the easiest variety! I have in my entire lifetime, baked one -exactly one -cheesecake and fortunately -or lucky for me and those who ate it -it turned out okay. Not fantastic, fabulous or anything like that but okay. The family liked it anyway.
But cheesecakes and the baking thereof, can be at times, tricky little buggers even to the best, most experienced cook -of which I am not one! That, plus when thinking of the ingredients needed to pull off a good cheesecake -lots and lots of cream cheese, for openers, it can also be a bit of a pricey item to ask people to make too. I know what my food budget will withstand but I don't have a clue about what others can, in good conscience, afford to bake and give away then too. Well, while thinking about the economic factors in that respect, pie baking -just making a simple pie -isn't the lowest cost item these days either on the grocery lists of many.
But, we are going to forge ahead regardless of who was in favor of what -as no vote was taken. It was just assumed that the logic presented yesterday by the list writer/holder was gospel and accepted by all and thus, SO BE IT!
Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, I didn't ask for this job, I sure as hell didn't campaign for it so why am I feeling this worked up and upset about it anyway? All the while though, being placated with murmurs of "This will be wonderful, you'll see."
Maybe I will see and will say yes, this was wonderful. I truly do hope it works out that way. But there are too many aspects that just don't hit me in a nice way or an inclusive way too for a lot of other people -whose ideas and feelings should also be given thought to.
I'm trying every trick in my little bag of tricks (mental tricks that is) to get my mind and also, my stomach, to calm down, be accepting, be nice, etc.
So far, nothing has kicked in for me to ease some of my thoughts and stomach spasms but I'm not giving up on that. Eventually, it will pass -if not in time for the event, well the the event itself will pass and as grandson Kurtis said when he got stung by the bee "Is not the end of the world, is it?"
And no, this too will not be the end of the world -not as we know it - for sure, but it could be something that would/could be worked through without all the melodrama now involved!