Saturday, October 06, 2012

Relief, Release...

As nice as some things were this past week for me, there were still a whole lot of ups and downs in my life then and especially over the 2-3 weeks prior.

Tension within me was high -very high -and I could feel so many bad feelings racing within my mind, my body, each trying to get the upper hold/grasp on my last nerve for sure. The result of all the turmoil I was experiencing really hit its peak -or so I thought -last weekend and the damned depression issues I've dealt with off and on over the past several decades now, was the emotion that finally won out.

If you've never had to deal with depression, I will pray for you that you never do have to experience that as it is one horrible thing to contend with, for sure.

I spent 95 percent of the weekend in a constant state of tears -not a good way to feel and to try to pull yourself out of the pit that it does feel like has become your permanent residence.

I felt like I really could use a whole building full of chairs4worship in the hope that maybe at least one of them might contain some really strong magical potion that would free me from the tumult attacking me from the inside out.

It has not left me completely yet, but does seem to have lessened somewhat -at least for the time being. I'm sure it's far from having run its course this time but these episodes -when they hit -don't really come about overnight but build quietly, sneaking along, permeating in little ways sometimes over a very long period of time so, with something that is so surreptitious in the way it builds up, isn't going to just up and disappear completely in the blink of an eye.

I know that from past experience but it is what it is -just something that is apparently an inane part of me and I'm still learning albeit it very slowly, how to deal with it.

1 comment:

terri said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope that the depression symptoms have eased up since you wrote this!