Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Catch a Break; Catch a Falling Star

I'm a little "off" tonight - edgy, antsy, extra turmoil in the house today. I've had some thoughts off and on today of what to post about and am not sure I can pull anything from the hat. Like I ALWAYS pull things from that hat and they turn out snazzy. Yeah. Right. NOT!
So first things first -because I'm not sure yet where my mind is wandering, I'm going to give you today's as well as tomorrow's Bushism for the day. Just in case the train of thought it still really off track tomorrow too, that way, I won't have forgotten about that important item. LOL

Wednesday, April 4, 2007
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." - Brussels, Belgium; February 22, 2005.

Thursday, April 5, 2007
"All up and down the different aspects of our society, we had meaningful discussions. Not only in the Cabinet Room, but prior to this and after this day,k our secretaries, respective secretaries, will continue to interact to create the conditions necessary for prosperity to reign." - Washington, D.C.; May 19, 2003

Wednesday for me began really early - like about 5 a.m. when my daughter woke me up to tell me she had to go pick up her brother. Seems he had just called, was having a problem and he needed to have one of us come get him. I won't go into detail here, but no vehicles were wrecked - there's a switch - and no one had been involved in a fight (which has only ever once been an issue with him and that episode wouldn't even qualify as a fight) and no, he wasn't in jail. He was pretty close to the edge on that but it was a "close, but no cigar" deal for which he - and we - are thankful.

And, I've been up since 5 a.m. - still edgy from the episode with the "favorite (only) son", no make-up nap time in between today either, plus two of my little Princesses "people" were here today - the Toy Lady and the Speech Therapist. That was followed with a counselor involved with the 15-year-old's issues due to her grades at school, then supper and well, the edge junk just never left me.

This evening, while "favorite son" was doing his laundry in preparation that he MIGHT get called to go out on the road early tomorrow morning, he and I watched a video Mandy had rented. And, I really think the video is pushing real hard on my edginess tonight.

Anyone here seen "The Pursuit of Happyness" starring Will Smith? Mandy and the 15-year-old had watched it over the weekend but I hadn't seen it then for some odd reason which I can't remember cause I rarely go any place to have missed viewing it. But, anyway, I hadn't seen it and Mandy re-rented it so I could watch it as she was sure I would love it.

And to be honest, yes I really did like it.

But, I think the struggles of the character portrayed by Will Smith just hit home a little too closely tonight. Watching him try to catch a break, to make a sale of the bone density machine, to keep a roof over his own and his son's head, to complete an unpaid internship with no guarantee for employment at the end, and all the things that befell him along the way, just a bit too close for comfort maybe.

I know there are no guarantees in life - no sure things - except for two - taxes and death. In the past decade, I have several years where I ended up owing the IRS way more than my meager income could shell out and it took me a couple years to get that squared away. Having faced cancer, a couple other medical issues and I'm still here - ok, let's look at that as kind of at least "looking" at death, maybe in passing.

I'm at an age and a stage in my life where I had once thought by this time I would be in a position to be able to help my kids - something I rarely had much opportunity to do when they were growing up -other than to work, and then, work some more just to scrape by.

Since for much of my work life I was frequently told my employers and potential employers too that if I had a college degree - no particular field, just a B.S. in SOMETHING, they could have paid me more or hired me. But, after I put myself in major debt with student loans, no one was even willing to grant an interview, much less hire me! All of which pushed me further in debt then too.

And the episodes since Christmas that have hit my daughter and son-in-law, my son, along with my older daughter too topped by watching this video tonight just gave me way too much of an empathy factor I guess with Will Smith's character.

Made me feel the same pain all over again watching him trying to just "catch a break."

Seeing his struggles there made me think maybe I DIDN'T do all I could have done, somehow forced a card here and there to acquire an interview or something. I don't know. And, there's no going back to try again now.

So I'm just going to go kind of lick my wounds that reopened tonight and wish maybe somewhere there is still a falling star I can catch - maybe over the rainbow.

And then again - as my favorite heroine of all time once said "I'll worry about it tomorrow!" Or, maybe not.

Nite now.


Anonymous said...

I was with you until you got to the part where you said it's too late to go back now. It sounded a little too much like it's too late to go forward now, and I can't buy into that, Jeni. Chin up, and soldier on.

Smalltown RN said...

Oh movies like that really get to me as well....I too look at my life and wonder "what if"....but you know.....if I hadn't done some of the things I did I would still be wondering "what if".....

Each day offers new read a new book, to explore something new on the challenge ourselves either physically or intellectually ok...lick the wounds of the past....but today IS a new day....who knows what it might bring!

Cheers my friend!

Shelby said...

movies get to me sometimes too..

be well - happy Thursday :)

Debo Blue said...

Lick wounds, then remind yourself that you didn't quit and give up!

That you made it in spite of it, girl!