Changing Things

Yesterday and Tuesday evening were two very upsetting tomes for me in recent time and really, in a long, long time for that matter, Anytime I feel I have to resort to taking some kind of meds to restore some little bit of calm to me, is not a good time as I generally try to avoid things like that as muc as possible! I hate relying on drugs of ant type whatsoever.

I profess to having one drug - of my choice - to use to alleviate a lot of my stress issues but even the nicotine wasn't doing diddly squat for me so I dug out the prescription in this case. No, it didn't cure my problems over night, no bigcheck has magically appeared, no visit from Ed McMahon from Publisher's Clearing House, no winning powerball lottery ticket either.

But, I am much more relaxed, have restored a bit of peace, quiet and ease in my head and heart since I wrote that entry.

It helped a lot that I took the xanax - took a big part of the edginess away for a while. Lortabs to keep the damned shingles pain at bay, ever so slightly, helped too as did a pretty good solid sleep! Something I haven't had all that much of lately, being the good old SOUND, SOLID sleep!

Now, I have to throw in here something else that happened yesterday which had a positive impact on me, my thought processes too. Both things arrived in the mail yesterday and although at first sight, I was happy, impressed with both, but didn't look beyond that initial impact of these items either.

One came in a certified letter - and no, it wasn't from a bill collector either. The other arrived in a smallish package. The certified letter contained a gift card to Walmart from a couple who have been very close, good friends of mine, my family, for well over thirty years although they have been living in Florida for the past 27 years now. They are my son's Godparents and as such, always tried to do something for my son for his birthday, Christmas and one year, even purchased a round-trip air ticket for him to fly to Tampa and spend three weeks with them! Last year, they surprised me with a gift card to Walmart and I had no idea how much was on the card but needed a few odds and ends in the way of groceries so took the card with me figuring I would just apply it to my purchases and make up the balance from my checking account. To my surprise, the amount on that card was well over what I needed for my few groceries that night and we used it for about two months after the holiday for a supplemental means to get a few extras that way.

Now, I don't have a clue as yet, how much is on this card, but if it even alleviates slightly from using the checking accounts to purchase groceries, little things even just this week, it will be a big help!

The second item I received came from a very dear friend and her husband in Ohio. Upon opening it, there were five CD's that her husband - a true sweetheart he is as is his wife - of Christmas music - and of just about every possible carol or secular song you can think of in that category. That he had taken the time to make up these five cd's labeled them very nicely as to the selections on each cd - was such a special gift to me. Yes, it brought tears to my eyes when I saw what this was, still does as I sit her now listening to these beautiful songs and it re-instills the meaning of the season inside me. Christmas music is some of the most beautiful ever written (ok, my opinion there) and whether it is a purely instrumental version of a carol or White Christmas or whatever, or is a vocal rendition to which I sit and sing along to the cdt, it is a reminder of what the season itself is for, how much it means to me and especially how much I treasure the friendship of this couple for having thought to provide me with this much music, this means of hearing such meaningful songs and the words and in the doing, relaxing my mind, helping to clear away more of the fog the bad things of those two days had begun to push down into me.

Although I did make some phone calls as suggested by the lady from the mortgage company - avenues to look into that might possibly be able to help us, to give a little bit of assistance no matter how large or small that would make our problem here begin to downsize. And no, I didn't get any help from the agencies because they, like us and so many others across the country are also in major binds because so many people are in predicaments where they can't find a means to donate to help the agencies.

I did get some information from one agency though - and if things reach the point where the foreclosure actually begins, we can then contact them (HUD Housing via the fed'l govt.) to apply for a mortgage relief program. She was not all that encouraging as she told me that unfortunately only about 20% of those who apply for this help get approval, but because the process takes roughly 6 months to complete, in that time span, it does give the person a chance to perhaps catch up on other smaller bills, get them out of the way and better able then to work on staying current with things like mortgages, fuel bills and the like. No, it also doesn't make the arrearages with the mortgage disappear either - DRATS on that - but if approved, those figures are added into the new mortgage which is guaranteed to the bank by the federal government then. It's something positive then that could come from getting a foreclosure notice at any rate.

Sitting here, feeding my little grandson his bottle, listening to the carols on the cds also brought it home to me that I DO have MANY, MANY blessings in my life for which I am thankful daily but yet, don't really acknowledge them as such at the time.

Listening to the words of "Away in a Manger" as I hold little Kurtis, kissing him softly on his soft skin, his downy hair, made me hold him that much closer to me and say quiet prayers of thankfulness that he is a part of my life today. Watching the granddaughter struggle against my suggestions of taking a nap but finally, curling up on the couch with her binky, her special blanket, allowing me to put another handmade afghan made for her by another very dear friend and having her suddenly reach up to me and offer a hug - something she isn't usually one to do things like that - and it reinforced again, my good fortune that she is also here with me!

And yes, all these other obnoxious problems then tend to melt into the background and tell me they must be dealt with but it is not simply because the mortgage company holds the upper hand with me, with us, but rather that these two little beings are what counts and they are the reason we must and can work to find solutions to the issues at hand. And thinking of them as we do that makes it an act done of love, not anger that we screwed up the finances or other factions created some of the setbacks, but we - through the Grace of the Almighty also have the means to deal with this in a much more positive manner and all because of these two little children.

All of this reminds me that 2000 years ago God sent his Son to the world as a light for our way and in the past three years, he has sent these two beautiful little creatures for us to care for, to enjoy watching them grown, to laugh at their antics even when some of their tricks aren't exactly funny at the moment, but to see the humor of them after the fact.

They are my light and as such, are a reflection of God's Light to me, then, now and always.

Peace!