The Bull in the China Shop

My Grandma often used that expression to describe how I frequently made my way through the house, in stores, other public places and she would always admonish me to watch where you're going, what you're doing, to be careful.

Sad to say, 45 years after she left this earth, I still have not got my system regulated to pay attention to my surroundings. I talk to myself and frequently, I'm saying "Way to go, Grace!"

Let's face facts, walking and chewing gum simultaneously is not among my many talents!

Take today for example, and boy, right about now, I wish someone could take the ramifications of today away from me!

This afternoon, shortly after Mandy left for work, I went out to the kitchen for something and noticed on the island there were two containers of yogurt, opened, about half full. Then I happened to see a little dish with two compartments sitting on the dining room table with some content in one side that looked pinkish and the other side held something along the lilac-colored side -same shades as these two opened yogurt containers were holding. Imagine that! So, Miss Maya had decided she wanted some yogurt but apparently couldn't decide if she wanted strawberry or blueberry so instead, she decided on a little of this and a little of that.

This was fine as from time to time she would saunter out to the table and eat a dabble of it. Nothing wrong with a little yogurt for a mid-afternoon snack now is there.

Well, long about 6 p.m. or so, I was reading tonight's paper and in the background, I could hear a strange sound -sort of a clinking, tinkling -not bells, but something hitting on something else anyway. I glanced out to the dining room and saw Maya was sitting at the table, busy as a little beaver, putting something into these compartments on the dish. Getting p to check on this, I saw she was putting either poker chips or checkers -something along those lines - into the uneaten yogurt left in this little dish.

"Ok, that's it!" I called out to her. "No more messing like that." And with that order, I swooped down on her, took the dish from her hands and headed to the kitchen.

However, mid-way, as I was zipping along past the island where the two half-full yogurt containers were still sitting, as soon as my right heel came down on the tile there and I began to slip-slid around, I realized that Maya had spilt some yogurt on the floor and my foot had just landed square in it. And I knew too that I was going to shake the house as I made my three-point landing in front of the refrigerator and freezer!

As I lay there, flat on my back, ankle already throbbing, along with the side of my right palm and wrist, Maya had run around the other side of the island and was standing by the trash can, looking at me, wide-eyed as all get out and she asked "What's wrong with you, Grammy?" The child even had the unmitigated gall to chuckle too! Boy, kids sure do learn the art of poking fun at old folks early, ya know!

I laid there a short time, moaning a bit, in between yelling at Maya for getting into things and making a mess, slopping yogurt on the floor, creating a hazardous floor are for a klutz like Grammy to come along and cause her to fall. Slowly, I moved my right leg, ankle -ok, apparently nothing broken there and a glance at my right hand and wrist told me that I was safe in that respect there too so now came the really hard part.

How the Hell to get myself up off the floor!

If I am down on the floor for any reason whatsoever, there has to be something nearby that is solid, stable, within reach for me to grab hold of so I can use it then for leverage to get myself back on my feet.

Well, as I tried to move and get up, no matter where I placed my right palm, there was yogurt there, splattered on the floor which made it slick as a sheet of ice and I could get no traction there to even get over and on to my knees! I ended up trying to scoot along the floor somewhat to get myself positioned where there was no yogurt on the floor to hinder me and also, to get me close enough to the door to the cupboard under the island so I could open it and reach in to get something really solid to brace myself on in order to pull myself back up on my feet!

After that, I was then faced with the lovely job of mopping up the darned kitchen floor, wiping down the refrigerator, freezer and the door frame between the kitchen and dining room too. Yogurt really can fly around a lot -good velocity there, ya know!

I'm just thankful that I didn't break anything in this fall -although my right ankle is gonna have a darned good bruise I'm sure, judging by the way it's still aching. And, I do have to laugh about the whole thing too because I'm quite sure if someone else had seen my going down, they would probably still be slapping their knees and howling with laughter!

So you all can just call me "Grace" perhaps from now on out, can't you?