Doing my normal blog visitations today, I went visiting a couple of sites where the writers were discussing wardrobe changes and such - also various and sundry other things -like reasons all too often we women steer clear or veer away from social ventures a lot of the time.
I don't exactly steer away from public things - if it's something I really want to take part in, I usually will go but a lot of time now, I worry about what to wear.
I have a closet full of clothes that I really do need to go through and weed out the items I absolutely will never be able again to fit into -at least not in this lifetime. That might take my wardrobe contents down a whole lot because most of the clothes in my closet were purchased several years ago and I have increased considerably in dimension over the past 3-4 years now.
What few things I do have that still fit however presents another problem and it's one I can't seem to figure out how to conceal this issue.
Weight is a problem and has become increasingly more so over the past year. Why does it all seem to accumulate too around the middle? I don't generally eat all that much, so aside from the fact that I acknowledge I spend way too much time in a seated position, does everything I eat seem to gear itself immediate to a permanent location in my stomach though? I mean, really - give me a break here, body. Compared to what most people ingest in a day's time, I really eat very little but it all seems to turn to flab immediately after being swallowed.
Now, to be a bit more specific about the clothing issues I'm having first, let me explain something. I've had three surgeries in the past four years -all involving the abdomen. The first was a colon resection to remove a malignant tumor in the colon. The second two years later was basically the same type of procedure except this was to re-route my urinary tract around a blockage in the right ureter. The third surgery, last fall, was a colostomy.
For anyone not familiar with a colostomy, it is when the surgeon pulls your colon away from its normal path and creates a new opening in the abdomen to which you attach a thing called either a wafer or a barrier and then, a bag is attached to that in which your body waste collects. It's not the greatest thing in the world to deal with but it does sure beat dealing with major pains and constant discomfort when your intestines don't function the way that they should.
However, the data the doctors and nurses give you when you have a colostomy and the instructions that come with the barriers and bags, etc., are quite misleading at times. Especially the part where it says the barriers and pouches are such that no one will "ever know" -it will not be detected that you have an artificial means of elimination of body waste on you.
Now, in my opinion, at least with my body shape, that is pure and simple, BALONEY!
First, because of the previous surgeries, my abdominal muscles have absolutely NO TONE. The flab just hangs there and that alone, is an annoyance. Then, there is the issue that not only does that cause a certain amount of protrusion of the stomach but for about a 3-4 inch radius around the location of the colostomy, there is a protrusion on top of the initial protrusion with the end result being the left side of my abdomen is totally lopsided!
Then, when you add to that the barrier attachement, presto magic, I now have what looks like a permanent snuff can on my abdomen!
No matter what clothes I manage to haul out from my closet, once I get it over my hips, across the abdomen, that darned "Snuff can" image still shows through! I makes no never mind what type of fabric it is, or how the slacks, shorts, dress, skirt, are designed either. None of it is conducive to hiding this contraption!
Although it has bothered me for a long time having the darned "pot belly" there to try and contend with, it usually didn't stop me from doing things, going places and the like. But this protrusion does tend to keep me out of the public eye so now I only go out where I feel I will be the least conspicuous.
Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining about having to have the colostomy. I don't LOVE it, but it does lessen so much the amount of pain and discomfort I had been having, that even if the doctor were to suggest a "reversal" of the colostomy, I would opt not to have that done. That is, not unless he could guarantee that the problems I had before would NEVER return and also, provided before stitching me up again, he'd dip in there and do a major liposuction of the many, many fat cells that have invited all their friends and family to take up residence along with doing something to "tighten" up some of the other loose ends there that just add to the appearance problems.
So, if anyone has any suggestions as to how to dress in a way that the fabric or design DOESN'T immediately cling to the "snuff can" -please feel free to give me some guidance there.
Yesterday, my friend Linda - who some of you may know as the "911 Dispatcher" - gave me an award for being what she considered to be a "courageous blogger." I'm honored that she thinks that of my posts but I'm not so sure I'm exactly what you would term "courageous." As I commented back to her post, sometimes I think I am a bit like Don Quixote and that I am just "tilting at windmills" too.
I have to give some thought now to a post about the "Courageous Blogger" award and get it up on my blog too. That's gonna take some wide-ranging thought there though!
Probably something I'll have to wait to do when I am alone and don't have a certain little almost 4-year-old princess bugging me every two minutes with a Barbie or Bratz doll in one hand and a different outfit to put on each and every one of these many little dolls (and twice as many outfits too) over and over again. She can take their clothes off but her "fine motor skills" aren't quite up to par to reclothing them and things like that then tend to easily frustrate her, which in turn, can really quickly lead to a major meltdown. And, I will go to whatever lengths necessary to avoid the meltdown scenarios!
So between her and the dolls and the clothes and the kitten who enjoys jumping up on the back of my computer desk chair which then inspires Miss Maya to chase Nina the kitten away, telling her "NINA! Get of the Gram!" -that's about the extent of my exciting life today.