Sunday, October 22, 2006

Bleak Sabbath

No, I didn't misspell anything in my title. And no, I am not going to inadvertently discuss some musical group either. I just thought it was an appropriate means to discuss what's going to be going on here today.

First off, it is Sunday - which is also referred to as the Sabbath, is it not. So that's appropriate.

Second, today is the day before my scheduled abdominal surgery tomorrow, which means my diet today will be severely limited - clear liquid will be the extent of what I will be ingesting.

And finally, it also means I must drink two bottles, an ounce and a half in each one, of Phosphate laxative to perform internal housecleaning on my system. This in turn of course means that shortly after I start to drink this stuff - which by the way will curl your toe nails and give you a fixation about ever drinking things like 7-up, Mountain Dew, maybe even lemonnade, eating chicken broth, lemon or lime jello, ever again. My stomach goes into flip-flops now as soon as the stuff hits my tongue and starts to churn.

I was given the option of downing two bottles of magnesium citrate which is another horrid and disgusting flavor of laxative, or I could have opted to drink a gallon - YES, A GALLON, of stuff that is a "lightly flavored with lemon-lime" concoction. Trying to down a gallon of this stuff is to me, a fate worse than death.

Two months ago though, a local surgeon who performed a colonoscopy on me prescribed this phosphate junk and though it tastes just a terrible as the other two laxatives, because it comes in little bottles containing merely an ounce and a half, and my logic goes that a shot of whiskey amounts to two ounces and I can drink that straight down, then why not this stuff too? I merely hold my nose, swig one little bottle of this stuff, then reach for a huge, huge tumbler glass of cold water to use as a massive chaser, mainly to kill the taste as much as possible, as well as to start it into action.

And then I wait.

For after an hour to two hours from when I first down this junk, my bowels will go into a massive uproar and I will then spend roughly the next 4-6 hours after that camped out in the bathroom. We won't discuss any further what will be taking place there. No need to get THAT graphic.

But that to me entails a very bleak day ahead.

So now you know why I am referring to this day as "Bleak Sabbath."

And, aren't you ever so happy you stopped by to learn about this highly exciting event?

So go ahead now - share your "bathroom" stories with the world.


Barb said...

First.. Good luck with the surgery tomorrow!!!

UGH. I drank a gallon of that Stuff From Hell a year ago for a colonoscopy. Mine wasn't flavored though. So, I kind of know what you're going to be dealing with today. Good luck with that, too =)

Anonymous said...

Just a good luck from me here. I have never had to drink that stuff so I guess I'm lucky.