About Those "Golden Years!"

Although my age -technically -is not old enough to retire on Social Security, (won't be 65 for another year yet and I think they upped the age to 67 too -or didn't that go through?) I've been on Social Security via Disability for the past almost five years now.

Although there are times when I DO actually wish I could be out in the work force the fact I am unable to do that anymore does have a few benefits for me. I am able to be here every day and watch the kids if Mandy has to work or has an appointment -whatever, in that respect. For me, it is a chance to watch and enjoy these two of my grandchildren as they grow, develop better coordination skills, learn to talk and just enjoy those things I missed when my children were growing up. All because there was no alternative -as a single parent -I HAD to go to work. Child support doesn't go very far and in case anyone is thinking "Well, you could have stayed at home and let welfare support you" -don't even go there! A whole lot of folks have the delusional ideas that if one is on welfare, it is a big gravy train and you are on easy street. Not true, not true at all!

I know because when I was diagnosed with cancer five years ago, could not work at all but hadn't yet been declared disabled, in order to get medical assistance, I had to apply for cash assistance and if anyone is on "Easy Street" receiving a whopping big old $175 a month -to cover housing, utilities, car insurance and other "incidental" then that person is a heck of a lot better at managing finances than I ever was or will be!

But issues with welfare, economics, etc., is not my point of my post tonight.

I have come to the conclusion that the term "Golden Years" -referring to retired people -is a misnomer. The only people who see "gold" with respect to older folks are those in the medical profession.

And even that isn't really what I'm going to tell you about tonight either. That's just my opinion about the way things go once your body doesn't function quite as good as it had for most of one's life and it seems every time you turn around you're going to this doctor or that one and then referred to yet another and the cycle goes on and on that way then.

I was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer five years ago this past March having gone to my family doctor for a general check-up because of some pain issues I'd been having in my lower intestine. The GP referred me to a surgeon to have him check me out -requiring a colonoscopy -and that was how I met the first (of several) surgeons I've dealt with since then.

The day he did the colonoscopy, after I came back from the recovery room, he came in and talked to my younger daughter and me -giving me the diagnosis that the colonoscopy revealed I had a tumor in my colon and that it was malignant. He also gave me a run-down of what I would be doing over the next ten months with respect to treatment. Two days after that test, I reported to the oncologist where they set me up with what is called a "Pic" line -just an iv connecter placed in my arm which would be connected to a little portable pack that I would wear 24-7 for the next 6-7 weeks. And three days after I had the pic line installed, I was to report to Altoona General Hospital's Radiation Department where I would meet with the doctor there who is the head of the Radiology department and that doctor would have me coming over there five days a week for the next 6-7 weeks to receive radiation treatments to shrink the tumor and thus, make it more operable. The objective there was to shrink it and make it easier to remove so as to -hopefully -not have to have a colostomy but rather a resection of the colon.

So, right there, I'm up to four doctors seeing me -three of them being specialists too.

The radiation worked in that when I had surgery in June of 2003, they were able to remove the tumor by doing a colon resection -no colostomy needed. At least not at that time.

However, by the end of July, I had developed some other issues that was causing me lots of problems. Seems I had two discs in my lower spine that were herniated. Trying to get that corrected required a little over six months of physical therapy -the first three months of the therapy were really just to get me so I could walk -and sit -for more than five minutes at a clip. The pain from this problem was so severe that I was taking some heavy-duty pain pills which in turn were creating yet another problem -severe constipation -a condition no one likes any time but when you've just had major surgery on your intestines, consitipation is really a bad thing then. The combination of severe constipation, two herniated discs, major abdominal surgery on the colon and pain pills created a vicious cycle right there. Plus I also had to return for follow-up chemotherapy that August too -which added a few more issues into the mix -like nausea! Eventually, I learned too that the radiation had left some residue in my lower spine which also contributed to the pain levels then -and still does.

Because the therapy had done all it could do to get me able to walk reasonably well again but wasn't working with the rest of the pain issues, I got referred to -yes, another doctor -this time one for Pain Management. Now, I've added a fifth doctor to my list.

Finally got things to a point where I could handle the pain fairly well and I was then down to just routine check-ups, another coloscopy a year after the surgery, and then, in February of 2005, I landed in the hospital with loads of pain plus nausea and a nasty urinary tract infection that required some kind of "scope procedure" done by a local urologist. This revealed a blockage in my right urinary tract and that doctor could not do the type of surgery required to correct that issue at the local hospital so I was referred then to Pittsburgh to see a surgeon there who eventually -on Halloween of 2005 -did a resection type of surgery on my right urinary tract. Ok, now I'm up to seven doctors.

In the meantime, the surgeon who I really liked and who had done the colon resection had decided to leave this fair state of Pennsylvania -mainly due to the malpractice insurance costs in this state -and he moved to Wisconsin. So when it came time for me to have my next lovely colonoscopy check-up, I had to see yet another surgeon. Make that doctor number eight!

This doctor told Mandy and I after performing that test that he had found a mass in my lower intestine and that it was malignant, but could not be feasibly removed. That was the news the day of that test but a week later when I had to go see him and get the full lab results, I was informed that although I did have a mass in my colon that was inoperable, thankfully, it was not what he had intially thought -and was NOT malignant. A bonus, right? But he also told me that he wasn't going to do anything for at least six months and for me to come back then -unless I developed a blockage in the interim -and he would then consider doing a colostomy.

The thought of waiting six months, dealing with the amount of pain I was having then, plus not being too crazy about the test results -just didn't trust the lab reports there -and my GP ended up referring me then to PIttsburgh -again - to meet with doctor number nine -a surgeon who determined that I should have a colostomy immediately to alleviate much of the pain issues I was having.

After that, things rolled along fairly nicely but then, a couple of months after the colostomy, the doctor who was the oncologist also left the area so that meant I was -eventually -going to have to see yet another oncologist to keep tabs on the way my system was operating -or not. I didn't get around to meeting doctor number 10 until this past January. He had me get some routine tests -cat scan, blood work, etc., -and that's when they found out I now had a hernia too! That was doctor number ten!

So, I was then referred to yet another surgeon - a local one though -but after he checked me, reviewed my records, Doctor Number eleven felt I would be better off if I returned to Pittsburgh to see the doctor who had done the colostomy for him to determine if I really should have surgery to correct the hernia -and even possibly do a reversal of the colostomy too at the same time. Thankfully, since I really didn't want another trip to the operating room any time soon, that doctor said "No surgery -at least not at this time.

So this spring then, back to my regular family doctor for my regular routine check-ups and she did one of those "routine test" we women are supposed to have regularly -a Pap test -which came back with some questionable issues which in turn required a second Pap test and it showed what was determined to be more questionable things, possibly pre-cancerous tissues -so that got me referred then to Doctor #12 - an ob/gynocology doctor -and yesterday, I reported to him to have a lovely little exam in his office and a test done there -called a culposcopy (I think that is the correct spelling -that's what it sounds like anyway and it didn't make my spell checker flash at me so it must be the right spelling, I guess.)

For anyone who has never had one of these tests, it really isn't all that bad -there are some that I firmly believe are much worse -like any type of rectal exam! But what they do in this test is that is is basically like a pap test -an internal female exam -but in doing this one, the insert sterile cotton balls that have been soaked in white vinegar, then using that lovely spectrum (yeah, you women know what instrument I'm talking about there, don't you) the doctor looks up inside the inner depths with a special green light to see if the there are any color changes on these white vinegar-soaked cotton balls. And I don't remember now if he said if they turn a different color, it indicate cancer is present there or not but the upshot with respect to my female organs he says is that there is NO cancer there! Yippy skippy! I'm a happy camper over that news -although I was a little uncomfortable all evening yesterday -from the spectrum -and also, from having my legs in a strange position for a long period of time which makes the leg and hip joints and muscles a bit on the stiff and sore side for me for a little while.

Today, I had my "routine" check-up -again -with the oncologist and he gave me a good report too -all the lab tests I had done last week came back fine and dandy -and clear of any cancer markers there too!

Isn't that just loverly!??? Well, yes, really it is because although I am not living my life in fear and panic that the cancer will come visit me again some day -in my opinion, it probably will but if so, I'll deal with that then, if and when that day comes my way.

But with meeting the new doctor yesterday and my visit today with the oncologist, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more here too -about both of these guys. The ob/gyn doctor and I were talking while he was examining me and I don't know how the conversation went in the direction of computer, the internet, etc., but I had occasion to tell him I have this blog and boy, it almost seemed like his ears really perked up over that bit of information. He asked what I write about here and I told him - just general things about me, my life, my family, my grandkids and especially the two little ones and the autism factor there. Before I left, he asked me if I was going to blog about him here and was I going to say he was a terrible individual, bad doctor, etc. I said I would only say bad things about him if he acted in any way like he was not a trustworthy physician but because I really liked him -very thorough, also very personable and my kind of doctor in that he has a sense of humor and put me at ease, made it much easier that way to deal with the tests he did yesterday, I have to say I think he's a pretty doggone good guy!

So if he's searched the net last night or today and happened to figure out which blog is mine and reads this, Cheers to to you my good man for making my visit to you yesterday as pleasant as possible, considering the circumstances that sent me there! No, I'm not going to identify him here though.

And today, my appointment with the oncologist revealed things about him that I wish I had know back in January and really, that I wish he'd been with the onology department here all along because you see, in our chat today, I learned he had cancer when he was in medical school and had done a good deal of his medical school studies and work while getting treatment plus, he had an ilieostomy done then too. Being able to talk to someone who knows first hand the quirky little things one has to learn to deal with when you have either a colostomy or ileostomy (basically the same procedure, just slightly different regions of the abdomen involved there) really builds one's comfort level with a physician! As he said - and yes, I agree completely with him on this, even though having surgery of this type and dealing with the ramifications it brings is not always pleasant, sometimes downright disagreeable, it is still a life-saving procedure and I am actually grateful that I had this done.

That doesn't mean I love it -I don't -but I accept it and appreciate it for the relief it has provided me in terms of alleviating a whole lot of pain issues over the past 21 months now!

And I hope you all realize I don't think these doctors -all twelve of them now -are all making windfall profits because my body is in a somewhat declingin -maybe deteriorating state these days with my comment about the Golden Years applying only to the doctors and pharmacies. I'm actually very glad each of them has been around to help me over the rough spots I've encountered in the past five years.

I may not be in the very best shape these days but as I always tell people now when they inquire about my health, how I'm doing now -"As long as Im still breathing and am able to move about even a little stiffly these days (thank you "Arthur" as a cousin of mine refers to the arthritis thing), I'm one happy little camper and hope they all enjoy the "Golden Years" on my contributions to the pot!

This is a long, drawn-out post -I know (my usual, huh) but it is something else too. It's actually my post for Faithful Fridays -hosted by B;essed1 at Daily Blessings Blog!

Because I am very, very thankful I have had the help of each of these doctors in my life!

Celebrations - a Little Late

This past week marked an anniversary for me. One that I really should pay a lot more attention to than I do although, in truth, I do recognize it every day but I don't mention it all that much.

It was four years ago this past week that I was initially diagnosed with cancer.

A lot of water has gone under the bridge since that day when I had my first colonoscopy and afterward, the surgeon spoke to my daughter Mandy and to me - explaining what had been found.

I have often thought of that talk the surgeon gave me that day though. And, had I had a different doctor - the kind who just tells you well, this is what we found, this is what you can do, and then leaves the decisions all up to you - what choices would I have made?

In all honesty, if my doctor then had been that type, I probably would have said ok, I'll think about this and get back to you and then, would have walked out of the room and not returned. It's not that I had or have a "death wish" exactly, but decision making, especially of that magnitude, would have been a really mind-boggling thing for me, as I was also extremely depressed at the time, unemployed and seemed to be virtually "unemployable" too as I couldn't have gotten an interview it seemed then even if I could have bought one!

But my doctor at that time - one Dr. Timothy Phillips - formerly on staff at Clearfield Hospital in Clearfield, PA and now, practicing someplace up in Wisconsin - was very straight-forward with my daughter and I and put the cards on the table not in a way telling me I had a choice but rather that he had just planned out my life for the coming year and this is what I would do, when I would do this and that and other things and simply put, That was That, he was the boss, I was the patient and the listener and I would do as he said and I 'vould like it! No if's, and's or but's about it!

He told me in two days I would have go to the chemo clinic at the hospital and they would insert a "pic" line in a vein in my arm, after which a home health nurse would show up at my home and install the pic unit from which I would receive chemotherapy for the next 6-8 weeks, non-stop, 24/7! The following Monday, I would go to Altoona Hospital, see Dr. Jack Shocker there and they would set me up for radiation therapy - also for 6-8 weeks, five days a week - to try to shrink the size of the tumor to make it easier to remove during the surgery that I would then have in about three months.

And, after recuperation from the surgery, I would report back to the chemo clinic for roughly six to eight more months of follow-up chemotherapy.

There was no decision to be made as Dr. Phillips had made all them for me. He was very strong in his explanations of the entire process and never gave me a chance to voice a difference of opinion - just acceptance of the road map he had drawn up for me to follow.

And four years after the fact, you know I kind of like the fact that he did treat me in that manner!

There have been more than the initial surgery since the first one in June of 2003, the last one this past October which resulted in my having a colostomy. So no, his road wasn't necessarily the easiest one to travel.

But, in retrospect, there have been so many highlights to it that perhaps I would not have been around to see, much less to revel in them as I have been able to do even though at times, the road was really rocky and rough and difficult to appreciate those highlights to the best then but I've made up for that since then.

I've been able to be around, to enjoy, to cherish and love and learn to know two beautiful little babies I might never have known had Dr. Phillips not taken the stance he did with me. What joy, what absolute magnificent joy I would have missed had I not been able to see, hold, help to raise my little Princess Maya and the junior prince, my grandson, Kurtis. And my older grandson, the big prince, Alexander, is now nine years old, tall, strong, handsome as all get out and just the best thing ever too since sliced bread! The thought that I could have missed out on being around them for this time is just incomprehensible to me now.

So, this message then is one of thanks to Dr. Timothy Phillips, somewhere in Wisconsin, practicing his art of surgery somewhere up there for giving me for now, four of the best years ever of my life! And, if anyone reading this post has him for a surgeon, trust me when he says to trust him because he is one fantastic individual and yes indeed, an excellent surgeon!

And, there's another anniversary too I'd like to mention that took place on Saturday, St. Patrick's day.

Happy Anniversary to a couple who are very good friends of mine - who celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary on St. Patrick's Day! I meant to call them on Saturday and wish them a happy day but didn't get around to it and I forgot to do that on Sunday too to give them a belated wish. So here it is now, two days later and I'm finally doing that!

If you see Durvin and Rose Little Wick - give them a hug and a hearty handshake and tell them you knew all along (like I felt I did way back when) that they would be the ones who would make it this many years! I grew up next-door to Rose and her family and Durv, I came to know through school and two better people you'd be hard put to find!

Hmmm - I'll have to make a note to be sure to include a special greeting for them at our high school class reunion coming up in June too!

Two pretty doggone good things to celebrate in my book - a 45th wedding anniversary and four extra years of life and enjoyment of family and friends!

I'll drink to that!