About Those "Golden Years!"

Although my age -technically -is not old enough to retire on Social Security, (won't be 65 for another year yet and I think they upped the age to 67 too -or didn't that go through?) I've been on Social Security via Disability for the past almost five years now.

Although there are times when I DO actually wish I could be out in the work force the fact I am unable to do that anymore does have a few benefits for me. I am able to be here every day and watch the kids if Mandy has to work or has an appointment -whatever, in that respect. For me, it is a chance to watch and enjoy these two of my grandchildren as they grow, develop better coordination skills, learn to talk and just enjoy those things I missed when my children were growing up. All because there was no alternative -as a single parent -I HAD to go to work. Child support doesn't go very far and in case anyone is thinking "Well, you could have stayed at home and let welfare support you" -don't even go there! A whole lot of folks have the delusional ideas that if one is on welfare, it is a big gravy train and you are on easy street. Not true, not true at all!

I know because when I was diagnosed with cancer five years ago, could not work at all but hadn't yet been declared disabled, in order to get medical assistance, I had to apply for cash assistance and if anyone is on "Easy Street" receiving a whopping big old $175 a month -to cover housing, utilities, car insurance and other "incidental" then that person is a heck of a lot better at managing finances than I ever was or will be!

But issues with welfare, economics, etc., is not my point of my post tonight.

I have come to the conclusion that the term "Golden Years" -referring to retired people -is a misnomer. The only people who see "gold" with respect to older folks are those in the medical profession.

And even that isn't really what I'm going to tell you about tonight either. That's just my opinion about the way things go once your body doesn't function quite as good as it had for most of one's life and it seems every time you turn around you're going to this doctor or that one and then referred to yet another and the cycle goes on and on that way then.

I was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer five years ago this past March having gone to my family doctor for a general check-up because of some pain issues I'd been having in my lower intestine. The GP referred me to a surgeon to have him check me out -requiring a colonoscopy -and that was how I met the first (of several) surgeons I've dealt with since then.

The day he did the colonoscopy, after I came back from the recovery room, he came in and talked to my younger daughter and me -giving me the diagnosis that the colonoscopy revealed I had a tumor in my colon and that it was malignant. He also gave me a run-down of what I would be doing over the next ten months with respect to treatment. Two days after that test, I reported to the oncologist where they set me up with what is called a "Pic" line -just an iv connecter placed in my arm which would be connected to a little portable pack that I would wear 24-7 for the next 6-7 weeks. And three days after I had the pic line installed, I was to report to Altoona General Hospital's Radiation Department where I would meet with the doctor there who is the head of the Radiology department and that doctor would have me coming over there five days a week for the next 6-7 weeks to receive radiation treatments to shrink the tumor and thus, make it more operable. The objective there was to shrink it and make it easier to remove so as to -hopefully -not have to have a colostomy but rather a resection of the colon.

So, right there, I'm up to four doctors seeing me -three of them being specialists too.

The radiation worked in that when I had surgery in June of 2003, they were able to remove the tumor by doing a colon resection -no colostomy needed. At least not at that time.

However, by the end of July, I had developed some other issues that was causing me lots of problems. Seems I had two discs in my lower spine that were herniated. Trying to get that corrected required a little over six months of physical therapy -the first three months of the therapy were really just to get me so I could walk -and sit -for more than five minutes at a clip. The pain from this problem was so severe that I was taking some heavy-duty pain pills which in turn were creating yet another problem -severe constipation -a condition no one likes any time but when you've just had major surgery on your intestines, consitipation is really a bad thing then. The combination of severe constipation, two herniated discs, major abdominal surgery on the colon and pain pills created a vicious cycle right there. Plus I also had to return for follow-up chemotherapy that August too -which added a few more issues into the mix -like nausea! Eventually, I learned too that the radiation had left some residue in my lower spine which also contributed to the pain levels then -and still does.

Because the therapy had done all it could do to get me able to walk reasonably well again but wasn't working with the rest of the pain issues, I got referred to -yes, another doctor -this time one for Pain Management. Now, I've added a fifth doctor to my list.

Finally got things to a point where I could handle the pain fairly well and I was then down to just routine check-ups, another coloscopy a year after the surgery, and then, in February of 2005, I landed in the hospital with loads of pain plus nausea and a nasty urinary tract infection that required some kind of "scope procedure" done by a local urologist. This revealed a blockage in my right urinary tract and that doctor could not do the type of surgery required to correct that issue at the local hospital so I was referred then to Pittsburgh to see a surgeon there who eventually -on Halloween of 2005 -did a resection type of surgery on my right urinary tract. Ok, now I'm up to seven doctors.

In the meantime, the surgeon who I really liked and who had done the colon resection had decided to leave this fair state of Pennsylvania -mainly due to the malpractice insurance costs in this state -and he moved to Wisconsin. So when it came time for me to have my next lovely colonoscopy check-up, I had to see yet another surgeon. Make that doctor number eight!

This doctor told Mandy and I after performing that test that he had found a mass in my lower intestine and that it was malignant, but could not be feasibly removed. That was the news the day of that test but a week later when I had to go see him and get the full lab results, I was informed that although I did have a mass in my colon that was inoperable, thankfully, it was not what he had intially thought -and was NOT malignant. A bonus, right? But he also told me that he wasn't going to do anything for at least six months and for me to come back then -unless I developed a blockage in the interim -and he would then consider doing a colostomy.

The thought of waiting six months, dealing with the amount of pain I was having then, plus not being too crazy about the test results -just didn't trust the lab reports there -and my GP ended up referring me then to PIttsburgh -again - to meet with doctor number nine -a surgeon who determined that I should have a colostomy immediately to alleviate much of the pain issues I was having.

After that, things rolled along fairly nicely but then, a couple of months after the colostomy, the doctor who was the oncologist also left the area so that meant I was -eventually -going to have to see yet another oncologist to keep tabs on the way my system was operating -or not. I didn't get around to meeting doctor number 10 until this past January. He had me get some routine tests -cat scan, blood work, etc., -and that's when they found out I now had a hernia too! That was doctor number ten!

So, I was then referred to yet another surgeon - a local one though -but after he checked me, reviewed my records, Doctor Number eleven felt I would be better off if I returned to Pittsburgh to see the doctor who had done the colostomy for him to determine if I really should have surgery to correct the hernia -and even possibly do a reversal of the colostomy too at the same time. Thankfully, since I really didn't want another trip to the operating room any time soon, that doctor said "No surgery -at least not at this time.

So this spring then, back to my regular family doctor for my regular routine check-ups and she did one of those "routine test" we women are supposed to have regularly -a Pap test -which came back with some questionable issues which in turn required a second Pap test and it showed what was determined to be more questionable things, possibly pre-cancerous tissues -so that got me referred then to Doctor #12 - an ob/gynocology doctor -and yesterday, I reported to him to have a lovely little exam in his office and a test done there -called a culposcopy (I think that is the correct spelling -that's what it sounds like anyway and it didn't make my spell checker flash at me so it must be the right spelling, I guess.)

For anyone who has never had one of these tests, it really isn't all that bad -there are some that I firmly believe are much worse -like any type of rectal exam! But what they do in this test is that is is basically like a pap test -an internal female exam -but in doing this one, the insert sterile cotton balls that have been soaked in white vinegar, then using that lovely spectrum (yeah, you women know what instrument I'm talking about there, don't you) the doctor looks up inside the inner depths with a special green light to see if the there are any color changes on these white vinegar-soaked cotton balls. And I don't remember now if he said if they turn a different color, it indicate cancer is present there or not but the upshot with respect to my female organs he says is that there is NO cancer there! Yippy skippy! I'm a happy camper over that news -although I was a little uncomfortable all evening yesterday -from the spectrum -and also, from having my legs in a strange position for a long period of time which makes the leg and hip joints and muscles a bit on the stiff and sore side for me for a little while.

Today, I had my "routine" check-up -again -with the oncologist and he gave me a good report too -all the lab tests I had done last week came back fine and dandy -and clear of any cancer markers there too!

Isn't that just loverly!??? Well, yes, really it is because although I am not living my life in fear and panic that the cancer will come visit me again some day -in my opinion, it probably will but if so, I'll deal with that then, if and when that day comes my way.

But with meeting the new doctor yesterday and my visit today with the oncologist, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more here too -about both of these guys. The ob/gyn doctor and I were talking while he was examining me and I don't know how the conversation went in the direction of computer, the internet, etc., but I had occasion to tell him I have this blog and boy, it almost seemed like his ears really perked up over that bit of information. He asked what I write about here and I told him - just general things about me, my life, my family, my grandkids and especially the two little ones and the autism factor there. Before I left, he asked me if I was going to blog about him here and was I going to say he was a terrible individual, bad doctor, etc. I said I would only say bad things about him if he acted in any way like he was not a trustworthy physician but because I really liked him -very thorough, also very personable and my kind of doctor in that he has a sense of humor and put me at ease, made it much easier that way to deal with the tests he did yesterday, I have to say I think he's a pretty doggone good guy!

So if he's searched the net last night or today and happened to figure out which blog is mine and reads this, Cheers to to you my good man for making my visit to you yesterday as pleasant as possible, considering the circumstances that sent me there! No, I'm not going to identify him here though.

And today, my appointment with the oncologist revealed things about him that I wish I had know back in January and really, that I wish he'd been with the onology department here all along because you see, in our chat today, I learned he had cancer when he was in medical school and had done a good deal of his medical school studies and work while getting treatment plus, he had an ilieostomy done then too. Being able to talk to someone who knows first hand the quirky little things one has to learn to deal with when you have either a colostomy or ileostomy (basically the same procedure, just slightly different regions of the abdomen involved there) really builds one's comfort level with a physician! As he said - and yes, I agree completely with him on this, even though having surgery of this type and dealing with the ramifications it brings is not always pleasant, sometimes downright disagreeable, it is still a life-saving procedure and I am actually grateful that I had this done.

That doesn't mean I love it -I don't -but I accept it and appreciate it for the relief it has provided me in terms of alleviating a whole lot of pain issues over the past 21 months now!

And I hope you all realize I don't think these doctors -all twelve of them now -are all making windfall profits because my body is in a somewhat declingin -maybe deteriorating state these days with my comment about the Golden Years applying only to the doctors and pharmacies. I'm actually very glad each of them has been around to help me over the rough spots I've encountered in the past five years.

I may not be in the very best shape these days but as I always tell people now when they inquire about my health, how I'm doing now -"As long as Im still breathing and am able to move about even a little stiffly these days (thank you "Arthur" as a cousin of mine refers to the arthritis thing), I'm one happy little camper and hope they all enjoy the "Golden Years" on my contributions to the pot!

This is a long, drawn-out post -I know (my usual, huh) but it is something else too. It's actually my post for Faithful Fridays -hosted by B;essed1 at Daily Blessings Blog!

Because I am very, very thankful I have had the help of each of these doctors in my life!

The Oilman Cometh

By now, if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you will remember that often the title of a post and the inner workings of it may seem to be totally unconnected -this may very well be one of those posts as I'm not quite sure if things will play out the way I'm actually thinking. (There's a strange thought, in and of itself -me, thinking.)

But anyway, here's what started this post today. There's a blogger up in Minneapolis, who I follow faithfully -thanks to my lovely reader. I love her post, lots of fun things there, great family stories and drama too from time to time. Earlier this week or over last weekend, she mentioned about yet another blogger who was doing a special thing on being thankful and I thought I might not manage the requirements for the entire contest but it seemed like a good thing to write about from time to time - the little and the big things we have in life to be thankful for.

Well, obviously for openers, I am so thankful -so very thankful -for my family -three great kids, three stepgrandkids and three grandchildren. (Two of those grandchildren, you've read lots about here and seen a goodly number of photos of them too.

Two of those grandchildren are autistic -Maya and Kurtis -the two who live here with me, along with their parents and their oldest sister -the 16-year-old. And I won't lie to you and say there aren't days when I do wish they hadn't been bestowed with the autism blossom as without it, I'm sure their lives would be much easier now -and in the future too. But, when people tell me how sorry they are that these two beautiful little beings are autistic, how tragic it is, what a shame that they have that wrong with them, I bite my tongue to keep from responding especially to the word "Wrong" used there. Why? Because you see, there is absolutely nothing in the world WRONG with these children! They have a thinking disorder, yes, but that just means that we -their parents, me, the rest of the family in close contact with them, often have to reorder OUR thinking processes to find ways to explain our selves, our actions to them but that by no way means there is any thing WRONG with them! They are the sweetest -sometimes not so sweet too though -best, with a lot of imp aspects thrown into the mix, bringers of patience ever to come into my life and you know what, for that alone -the patience thing -I have been truly blessed to have both of them. I am not by nature a very patient person and living with, adapting to, these two children has indeed forced me to try to bring patience into my life more and more every day.

I'm thankful that my grandparents built this house we live in 105 years ago and that I was lucky enough, along with my mother, to live here as a child and for it to eventually be my home. It has its problems, certainly. What old house doesn't? For that matter, even new homes have their own issues pertaining to upkeep and breakdowns and all those factors. But I wouldn't trade this house in for another even if I were bequeathed all of Donald Trump and Rockefeller's wealth combined because no amount of money can buy the memories this house holds for me. The voices that once spoke here that I hear now only in memory, the pictures too of days long gone by that pop up in my mind's eye, knowing that there is some small part of my grandparents, my mother, all my aunts and uncles as well as my cousins, now my children and their children that have all left indelible marks on me and in this old house that make it absolutely priceless to me. Warts and all -and this house has many, it's true -the house is a blessing for me and I will forever be thankful to have it.

I'm ever so thankful for having had the opportunity to the education I recieved from the little grade school that used to exist here and from the loving teachers I had those first six years of my educational process. They were more than teachers - they were more like an extra branch on my family tree in that I always felt they cared as much about my well-being as did my family. That school building still stands atop the hill here in the village but it now belongs to the local Catholic Church and they use it as their educational building so the use factor remains there still. I'm thankful too for the continuing education I received from the small high school I attended -which building no longer exists, having been sold and torn down years ago to a local church which then built a new and beautiful church on that spot. But that school, small as it may have been, poor as the community at large was back then, I firmly believe I got every bit as good an education in that era as many kids today receive from some of the bigger, fancier, loaded-with-everything type schools that often exist today. It was a good enough education that 32 years after I graduated from high school, I still remembered enough of what I'd been taught to pass the entrance exams for acceptance at a certain Big Ten university you've all heard me mention from time to time too and I managed to met their criteria too and received a degree in four years from said institution that I can now call myself A Nittany Lioness! A little ego there, yes -but I am proud of that accomplishment done in the later years of my life and also, I am quite thankful that I was able to do that too!

I could go on and on -yes, I know you know that. But not going to list all the things I am thankful for in one post, not today. However, I am going to conclude this one today by telling you we had 100 gallons of oil -fuel oil for the furnace -delivered to the house today.

That delivery -100 gallons, not even half a tankful -set us back $450 big buckaroonies! And, thinking forward to the coming months -fall, winter, etc., that's only going to be a drop in the bucket to what amount of oil we will have to purchase to warm our bodies, to have hot water for bathing, for washing dishes, to do laundry with, etc. And, trust me, I worry -as does Mandy -and a lot too -about how we will manage to keep getting at least 100 gallons, the minimum amount you can have delivered, at the current prices, much less what the costs probably are going to rise to over the coming year.

But why then, if I am so worried about those prices, would I list this delivery in a topic of things for which I am thankful then?

Because the gentleman delivering the fuel today was a new driver to our route -one I'd never met before.

As I handed him the checks for payment of our oil delivery, he commented to me on an autism car magnet Mandy had removed from the car she used to have -one of those ribbon things ya know, with the writing on it simply "Autism" and he asked about the significance of that symbol, telling me he has "one of those at home too" but not meaning the magnet but rather a child.

I asked how old his was and he said "Eleven, with Aspergers." The conversation picked up from there as we talked about these people in our lives and the love we shared each for our own came through, loud and strong.

As he left, his parting words to me were "These kids take a lot of love and prayer but they are so well worth it in the end." How true, how true!

And that my friends is why I was thankful for having received my economic stimulus check this week that enabled us to purchase that 100 gallons of fuel today and that today, the fuel company saw fit to send this man to deliver it to us.

I was really happy to see the Oilman Come and very happy to hear the words he exchanged with me today too.

And for that, I was and will remain, truly blessed and very thankful.