Flock a Duck

We all have our own little sayings we use when things don't work quite right or other things happen and they are a way of expressing some type of feeling.

If you accidentally bang your finger with a hammer or slam a door on your hand or foot, what's the first thing you say -either out loud or perhaps, just mutter it under your breath?

I have a lot of these type of expressions I use -some of them are just silly things but, depending on the seriousness of any given situation, some of them might be downright vulgar and obscene.

Yeah, I have a very colorful vocabulary at times!

And today, the things I was saying to myself were not nice, not at all.

The title of this post is sort of one of my favorite sayings except I use the big bad "F" word instead of the word used in the title. I know, to say it the way I say it virtually makes no sense but boy, it works wonders when you are trying to express just exactly how angry, disgusted, fed up and having lots of other bad thoughts in your mind of what you'd really like to do to some person or some rules and regulations that seem to exist solely to bedevil the living daylights out of a person!

Today was a very bad day for me. My hopes of getting a "reverse mortgage" which could/would save me from having to give up my home -the house I've called home for about 60 years now -were dashed and ground into sand -very fine sand at that -today.

I got a call from the lady who works at the bank I deal with here and she is in charge of processing reverse mortgages.

We talked a bit as she asked me a few questions about my house -age, size, description, etc. All seemed to be going along fine and dandy until the first problem area cropped up. This one pertained to a codicil my Mom had put on the deed to the property when she transferred it to my name 47 years ago and it states that the property can not be sold or conveyed unless all heirs of my grandparents are given first option to purchase the place. The lady said this might possibly be very problematic but perhaps, if I get a copy of my deed and have the lady at the branch were I bank fax it to her, she can check it out and see if it can be worked around.

Okay -I think I can get to the courthouse and get a copy of the deed and do that so maybe all is not lost then after all.

But then she asked if the property has any leases attached to it and yes, it does as two years ago I signed a lease with one of the oil companies flooding this area with leases and a bit of money to go with them for the drilling rights. This all pertains to the Marcellus Shale stuff that's been a big and ongoing deal in this region.

Oops! Seems that my having done that will put an end right there to the FHA granting their approval of a reverse mortgage on my property.

 Now, I don't understand the ins and outs, whys and why nots of much pertaining to real estate transactions and loans and such, that is for certain but this bit of information really boggles my mind as to why this would be such a hindrance that the FHA will not budge on this regulation. Not. At. All!

So now, apparently I am going to have to face the reality of losing the home I've lived in almost my entire life. The home my grandparents built back in 1903, where I was born, grew up here and love this old house very, very much.

One of my cousins thinks I am way to sentimental about this old house and that he thinks I am living my life in the past because I told him when I walk through this place, there are many times I glance at something and it brings back memories to me of days long since gone by, of people who were the most important people in my life then and are long departed now. Little things -trees out in the yard, dishes in my china closet, the old fireplace that never worked right. Just all kinds of little things that spark a memory for me and give me the feeling that my grandparents or my mom or this or that aunt, uncle, cousin, good friend, is beside me for an instant and I get a sense again of their presence or a mark they made on my life.

Crazy? Is that so crazy? Well perhaps it is but it's my own particular piece of insanity then if that's the case I guess because that's what this house does and what it means to me.

I feel the same way about this little village too where I have spent so much of my life -I love it here!

When I walk Sammy and look around at the houses around mine and think of the people who reside there now and the people who once lived here, it brings to mind so many things that I can't really describe the feelings I get other than that I love that I knew so many of those folks and what kind of people they were to have as neighbors. Some were more like another whole set of parents and a side family to me as I grew up here!

And I don't want to leave these familiar surroundings and move into some senior citizen tiny apartment complex somewhere away from here!

For all the talk and writings you may come across in which this study or that one points out that it is more feasible for people to stay within the surroundings that they are most familiar with, why then can't I utilize the one avenue that would allow that luxury to me?

Right now, I get the feeling that the news I got today fits right in with one of my ex-husband's expressions (and boy, he had oodles of these, many not very ladylike though) and this is one he said last night to my daughter in a conversation he was having with her about some repairs needed to the car she just got about a week ago.

He told her if she didn't repair something on it the way he told her to have it done that she will have just "been screwed without taking her pants of and also, without even a kiss!" Maybe I didn't get his wording there 100% correct but it was to that affect and you get the idea he was conveying to her.

That's pretty much how I'm feeling about this whole business with my house right now.

Stewed, screwed and barbequed!

And, I'd really like to tell FHA to "Go whiz up a rope, if you please!"

But guess I best go try to get some sleep and maybe, wake up in the morning with some ideas floating in my head, people I can try to call/contact for more information, other alternatives that might exist that I don't know about.

Here's hoping it will work out that way but just in case, I better start collecting boxes and packing up my "treasures" that I would want to take with me when I leave.

And then, if that really does come about that way, bet your bottom dollar I'll be saying my not-so-nice expression of my feelings on that day. Just change the spelling a tad and you'll know what I'm saying!