For the Love of...

What do you love? No, not who, but what?

I am addicted to nicotine, caffeine, the tv that plays constantly (or almost.) That I tell time by it is my excuse for having it on all the time. I sleep with it too because it's my comfort thing - makes me feel I'm not alone. I'm also addicted to messing with the computer too - e-mailing, reading blogs, playing pogo games, once in a while I work on my research project too. (Haven't paid much attention to that of late and I really need to get myself regimented to working on that and getting it DONE! Sometime this decade at least!)

I'd love to be able to travel - a lot - and far away too - like all over this country, Canada, Europe. You name it and I sure wouldn't mind being able to travel to most any place if I had the money. But I don't have that so I really LOVE to check out blogs that have pictures (and text) pertaining to either the area where a particular blogger lives or places that person has been or wants to visit, etc. Take a trip vicariously in a virtual trip online maybe is my way of learning, of seeing some of the sights these old eyes will never see first hand.

I used to love to cook but for quite some time now, I've been rather bored with that -it's become a chore. And, I hate CHORES! Sometimes, I can judge a bit about my depression levels simply by my interest in cooking. If I'm digging into the myriad of cookbooks I have or surfing websites - like the Taste of Home's recipe site or Recipe Source, then I've usually got the depression thing pushed down fairly well, at least for a while.

This week, I did some extensive searching on the Taste of Home site and found a recipe that I thought looked good - sounded really easy too (and that's a prerequiste of ANY cooking I do) -so I printed it out and decided that Monday night our supper would be baked fish on a bed of seasoned rice with broccoli. Well, let me tell you right now, that's one meal that will never occupy my cooking time or grace my table ever again! The seasoning it called for in the rice - which was mixed with a can of chicken broth -was "Italian Seasoning" and Garlic powder. I generally use either or both of those seasonings a good bit in my cooking, so I figured ok, why not.

Why not, indeed! The flavor of the rice and broccoli with that seasoning just didn't appeal to either me or the stepgranddaughter! She actually liked the fish though but I didn't care for the combination after it was all cooked up.

Chalk that one up to the "never again" column.

Today, I thought I was in the mood for spicy food - really, really spicy - so I picked up ground beef, ground sausage, refried beans, tortillas and salsa and decided to make my own concoction of a cross between enchiladas, tacos and burritos. My son gave it a name but I don't remember now what he told Katie I should call it. This concoction definitely filled the bill as to the spicy aspect - VERY Spicy. VERY! Unlike really hot and spicy oriental food that will burn a bit when it gets to the back of your throat, this stuff was HOT as soon as it hit the tongue. Not bad, but not really all that good either (in my book), so I probably won't be trying to remember what all I put in it to make THAT dish again either.

I do tend to get a bit more experimental than usual in the kitchen in the weeks building up to our family reunion though - mainly in hopes of finding some new and really yummy dish to make and take to that gathering. I think this year I'll resort back to my old standards - some home baked Swedish Rye bread for one thing, a big casserole of ham and bean potpie (which my kids love) and depending on my energy levels next week, maybe I'll fix some bbq wings along with some kind of dessert.

Now, where was I going when I started this tonight asking about what people love? I really hadn't intended it to be about cooking but -well, you know how it is - I do sidetrack myself sometimes. (Only sometimes? LOL)

Actually, I was thinking along the lines of a blog I read earlier today - a really lengthy one (don't remember the name of the blog, or what I did with the referral to it either) but it was about books and in the author's opinion, the fact we have become such a "I want it NOW" type of society, instant gratification, instant information, etc., we have stopped having a love affair with books.

We pay more attention to the Arts - paintings, television, sometimes to movies - and we often shell out way more in the form of money for some of those things too than we would ever dream of putting out towards a book purchase. This writer felt that often artists -those who paint and are successful with their talents, command big prices for their work, -too often people look at art and make it a status symbol and the value of the artwork itself becomes over-inflated, etc.

The writer even expanded further that the fact all too many today seem to bypass reading it causes many other areas of our lives to be reduced, to malfunction, to create a lack of imagination in kids and adults alike then. And, because so many are loosing the desire to read a good book, it affects our base comprehension of society as a whole too because reading provides many more insights into how others live and function than a tv show or movie can provide.

Reading really gives one the opportunity to not just meet people much, much different than we are, but it affords the chance to get a better understanding of how others function, how they exist, of problems that may otherwise be unfathomable to us otherwise.

And, I may not agree 100% with what this writer's take was about reading but I do agree with the bulk of the points put forth there.

I do LOVE to read!

I always have, from the time I started school, been a huge fan of books.

From the time my children were very small, I was an advocate for reading -anything and everything! It worried me greatly with my older daughter because early on, she had problems with reading and her grades were really poor in that category. Because reading -books especially, but magazines, newspapers too - were all high on both my list as well as my ex-husbands (that and politics were often the only things we did agree about) -we were both very upset and worried about the girl and the reading problems.

So, we told her in second grade when this began to surface, to bring her reading assignments home and one of us would sit with her, work with her on this. Imagine my shock when she said they weren't allowed to bring their readers home. I called the school and spoke to the principal about this and he verified to me that she wasn't fibbing. He said it was because of two things - one, they didn't have enough books to go around and two, because "the children then tend to read ahead."

Yes, you read that sentence right. How ridiculous a response was that? Needless to say, I was furious because after all, this school had implemented what was called an "open classroom" atmosphere in which kids from several age groups were put together in their classes - kind of the same type deal as was in effect when I was in grade school where there were always two grades in every room. Often, if you were in the lower grade then, got your work done in class, you could learn ahead simply by paying a little attention to the coursework the teacher was covering with the higher grade level. Well, at least that was how it worked for me anyway.

I fought that entire year with our school administration about my daughter's problems. They even went so far as to call in a psychologist from Penn State to come and evaluate her for learning disabilities or some such and that guy told me I was her problem in that I was expecting her to read the way I had as a child. Now that made me even more livid! Granted, I would have been happy - and proud too - if she had been as avid a reader as I've always been - but my theory was then, still is, if you can't read properly, then it will eventually affect the way you comprehend all other subjects in school too.

That summer when my daughter was between 2nd and 3rd grade, she attended a "remedial reading" summer program at the school. However, as much as I appreciate the need for kids to see things of a cultural nature and learn from them as well as from books, the trip to the Zoo at Pittsburgh, or to East Broad Top railroad about 70 miles from here and learning other things, such as how to read a thermometer, indoors and outdoors, were all nice, important things too but where was the "remedial reading" she was supposed to be getting? As far as I could see, it was virtually non-existent.

My Dad's youngest sister -a teacher - was still teaching at that time - 2nd grade, no less - and I had grumped -now, correct that - I had BITCHED majorly to her about my dissatisfaction with the learning process at our school. My aunt took the girl aside, sat with her for about 15-20 minutes one day and had her read from a 2nd grade level reader and after which, she told me the whole problem with the girl was that she didn't understand phonics and therefore, couldn't sound a word out. My aunt then offered to tutor her for the rest of the summer and so, three times a week, for roughly and hour to 90 minutes, I would take my daughter to my aunt's home and they would work away on improving the kid's reading.

And, it worked too! When she returned to school that fall, she had developed a new interest in trying to read. At the grocery stores, she was reading the little ad things under products, reading ingredients on boxes and such. At home, she was taking an interest in reading the books she already had on hand too. And this went on for the first several weeks of that school year. And the first grading period, her grade was very much improved. When I went to see the teacher for her conference, she told me they had decided - the administration that is -that my daughter was doing much better that year because they had switched teachers on her so that the one she had for reading the year before, she now had for math and the previous year math teacher was now her reading teacher and she was responding much better to the instructors and the materials because of that. By the end of the second grading period though, the change in teachers must have lost its appeal though as the girl's grades began sliding, she began to lose interest again in reading and the problems returned. It wasn't until she was in the 5th grade and the teacher she had that year was a stickler about reading and enforced very stringent reading requirements that the daughter had someone who pushed PROPER reading to her again. I never did tell the school that the reason my daughter's reading had improved, even if only on a fairly short-lived basis at that time, was due to the fact she had a teacher who really worked with her on it, helped her to improve her skills.

Today, my daughter is still not what one would call a really good reader - she's a slow reader, often has problems comprehending the text and has to re-read things to get the full meaning. But aside from that, she has become a very avid reader over the years. She rarely is without a book that she has found, has an interest in and I do think the fact that she had the problems to begin with she has an approach to her son about reading very much akin to what her father and I had with her - READ, READ, and then - READ some more! Take a trip around the world and never leave the comfort of your chair!

That's always been my theory - also the ex's too - that reading affords so much opportunity. It opens up so many new, interesting, exciting things to us. How can anyone NOT love it, NOT love books? Anyone who has any type of reading problems, my heart aches for that person and the difficulty they may have trying to read. But, please don't give up on it. Learning how to read with various learning disabilities may be difficult, cause one to want to give up, toss in the towel, but don't let that idea win out over you. Keep plugging away because once you learn ways to compensate for the disability factor, the sheer joy of reading will at least try to move in for you.

I probably have a view that is way too simplistic about that but regardless, I still believe it is the very most important tool we can ever acquire and use - because it helps us in every other aspect of our lives and what's more, it's also a whole lot of fun!

'Nuff said for tonight!

Good or Bad?

The Bushism of the day is this:
Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that." (Washington, D.C, May 11, 2001 -the quote for Saturday/Sunday January 6/7th)

Taking it from that comment, isn't that a bit like the job of parenting too?

I mean by that, as parents, does anyone set out from day one not to try to teach their child(ren) manners, various little skills, vocabulary, ways to help that chld learn basic skills, high-levels of learning later and just in general, ways to guide them through all the good, bad and sometimes what can also be the very ugly side that life can present to each of us?

I suppose there are some parents who are lacking so much in their own personal skill levels and abilities that for them to try to teach skills to their children that would allow for an improved life for the kids, is next to impossible to achieve even on the lowest level. But, for the most part, I do think the overwhelming majority of parents DO try to Teach their children at least the simplest of the basics - knowing right from wrong, "Do unto others as you would want done to you." THinks like that.

How successful any of us is at this task varies greatly too and sometimes, can cause a myriad of other problems for the person intended to be the learner as well as the self-appointed teacher too!

As an example here, let's take the situation which took place within my family Christmas Night. My son wrecked my car!

Now, what actions should I or could I have taken after the fact there?

Should I have, when he came into the house after the fact, just rushed up to him with open arms, hugging him, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back and told him "Oh, I am so thankful you are not hurt."

Well, the fact of the matter is, all those emotions were going through my mind - yes, I was thankful he escaped uninjured and I know he was, even at the older, supposedly more mature age of 33, he was scared too and it is an instinct I suppose no matter how old your kids are, that you do want to give some type of comfort.

Or, should I have just launched into a major attack and had the whole family up all night listening to me lecture him on the error of his ways, his lousy use of common sense, no good judgement, no respect for others property - those any many other little things come to mind that I could probably still be yelling and preaching about to him. But, in the end, would it have done any good?

Should I have taken a belt and whipped the living daylights out of him? He's a lot taller than me, a lot stronger than me too for that matter - but would an action or reactio like that have cured and corrected the situation? Highly doubtful.

Did I speak to him about what he had done? Yes, indeed I did. And I prefaced it too by telling him I do NOT want to hear any of his "I'm so sorry Mom" hang-dog expressions of self-pity and all that because this resolve nothing and actually, would make him feel better about himself and his stupid actions. And yes, indeed, they were some stupid actions on his part that got all of us into this predicament too!

I did give him a lecture at the time - nothing long, drawn out - but a lecture all the same. And then, I told him I really do not want to discuss this anymore at this point in time. Maybe later, when I am calmer, when you are ready to acknowledge what you did, why and understand how stupid it was and makes no sense, but now - no, it would do nothing other than to keep my own blood pressure levels highly elevated!

But after one has a situation whehter it be like what we had or some other thing that upsets the entire apple cart within the family, inevitably, the questions crop up in your mind as to where did I go wrong over the years in trying to teach this kid to be a good, decent and responsible citizen - a loving (and very loved too) member of this immediate family as well as a large, caring extended family and in a circle that also includes many, many very close friends. Where the heck did I screw up, how could I have impressed on him better what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior?

I'm quite sure there are at least several - possibly many - who know me and know my kids and know and think they understand all the inner workings of our home too who will be johnny on the spot to tell me what I should have done years and years ago to "fetch him up right." And, if I were to base all my questions and answers I give myself according to Dr. Phi and his admonitions to child rearing, then no, I shouldn't have used many of the words that are a big part of my vocabulary but damn, sometimes just saying this is a mess you just created here has no impact whatsoever whereas when you raise your voice a tad (or more) and emphasize that "I am not putting up with this kind of S**t from you" maybe does get their attention a trifle better - at least at that point in time!

I can honestly sit back and say that I did try, very hard too, over the years to instill in my kids that there are somethings we must do that are absolute necessities. We must try to be the best possible employee for whoever it is that decides to give us an opportunity to earn a living - whether you absolutely love the job or despise it, doesn't give us the right to be a poor worker for whatever level of income you manage to receive from said job! Did that message sink in to my kids? Overall, I think I did get that across and for the most part, they understand that and agree with my theories there too!

Were they taught how to behave in public or in other people's homes? Well, I tried and when they were growing up - from the time they were toddlers till they were in elementary school, they often had to go with me into homes of others in this community while I tried to entice people into placing more orders through me of Avon's fine products. And, I will say this much for them, I could take them into some of the finest homes in the area and some that were pretty doggone disorganized too, but I never had to worry that they would be wandering around, playing touchy-feely with all kinds of knick knacks people might have set out and about in their home. I knew too they would sit by my side or my feet and quietly listen and allow me to show any new items, talk and joke with the customer and on occasion, if asked a question by the person whose home we were in, be expected to be able to give a suitable response - one that showed respect to the person the child was answering for openers!

If I were to try to do that job today, with my 3-year-old granddaughter, I would be a nervous wreck! Not because we aren't trying to teach her proper behavior but because she has some delays in her learning ability and getting her to obey, to keep her little fingers to herself, is a totally different circumstance than I dealt with when my kids were her age. In due time, I think we will achieve the goal of good, respectable behavior of her, but it is just taking a lot longer to do that with her at this point in time. Tantrums at times are a part of her behavior - something I didn't have to deal with in public with my kids - but because we can't always get her to comprehend what we want in the way of actions/reactions from her, it can create the appearance that she is not being disciplined at all at times, and that is not the case!

No matter how young or how old YOUR child(ren) may be, we, as parents, always worry, always want to see them act in the best possible manner and when on occasion, they don't seem to pay attention to things they were taught from the get-go, we do often put a lot of blame on ourselves. We also often give the standard lectures too that were doled out since the beginning of time "What the hell were you thinking?" for openers perhaps. Or, one of my favorites was always "Is there a brain inside that thing sitting atop your shoulders?" That one is one Dr. Phil probably would frown on as it does maybe give the kid a lower feeling of him/herself on the self-esteem totem pole. But heck, how else are you supposed to ask if the kid THINKS about anything being done before hand for possible consequences?

So for now, I'm still sitting here, thinking about all the events of this week and wondering how I should have handled this or that, how I could have raised this kid to be the perfect poster child so many of my friends seem to have been able to produce.

But then too, I stop and think hmmm - this or that person may THINK their child is the perfect little angel but I know that kid did this or does that and it may not be exactly kosher - especially if the parent knew or even acknowledged that the child has that behavior too!

Right now, I think I'll take and accept my son, both my daughters and my grandkids now too - just as they are - good, bad and sometimes, ugly - but still I love 'em! May not like what they do all the time, I may downright despise, hate what they do at times, but regardless, I always have, always will still love 'em!

Now, if I can get them to do the same for me, maybe all will be fine and dandy in the end!

You tell me!