Worry, Worry -Everywhere!

This month is rapidly developing into one that is soon going to erode all the positive effects of the anti-depressants I'm taking, if things keep on at the rate they are presently tracking.

For better than a month now, Maya has been telling us every night at supper and prior to going to bed that she doesn't want to go to school the next day. Then, in the morning when Mandy gets her up, she often has the same message coming at her from Maya about how she doesn't want to go to school. However, when we try to question her about this, if we say "Why don't you want to go to school?" all we get for an answer is an echo of "Why?" Trying to figure out ways to re-word that question so as not to use the word "why" in it is not an easy task either, let me tell you that! And, apparently Maya doesn't understand the use of that word yet either. So, it leaves us in a bit of a quandry here, trying to convince her every day of reasons why she should want to go to school, what she will miss out on and all the good things we know she enjoys there. Prior to this, the only day we experienced any difficulty getting her ready for school and on the van was back in January and that was the day Mandy had taken Kurtis over to the hospital to have the tubes put in his ears.

So, that's worry number one but since we've been able to get here ready and on the van without any really major meltdowns -yet -it's a concern but not a full-scale, full-blown one at the immediate moment. Just one of the background noise things, if you know what I mean.

Worry number 2 -began last week when Mandy got her work schedule for the week and was only schedule to work last Monday and Tuesday. She could have also worked on Thursday but wasn't scheduled for that day. Wednesday, she always has asked off for because there is a therapy session at the Agency office that day for Kurtis plus one at the house in the afternoon and frequently, that has been the day the Specialist tries to come for conferences with her too. Last week though, she had also asked off for Friday due to my doctor's appointment and while she was at it, since they had adequate staff to cover, she had requested Saturday night off too. Apparently the owner of the establishment was put out at her because she had told him she really couldn't pick up all the hours of a girl who had quit a few weeks ago -mainly due to the kids and their therapy and class schedules and doctor appointments -plus the occasional ones of mine that require her presence. So now, she has been taken off the schedule completely. The story, from other workers there is not that she was fired but that she is off the schedule due to lack of business. So, since she only worked there part-time, does that make her eligible for a pittance of unemployment benefits she could sign up for? I think it does, but my knowledge about those things is pretty rusty now so I'm not really sure about that.

Then we have the really big worry, #3 on the list but probably should be #1 simply because it involved the son-in-law who is, of course, the major breadwinner in the household.

He was laid off last summer from his full-time job and although some weeks he only collected a partial unemployment check because the owner of the shop would have him come in and work maybe a day or two here and there, he was told about a month ago that he would be going back on full-time -even given a nice raise too -and then, after about a week of full-time work, he was back to part-time hours and such. Of course now, with part-time hours and his unemployment having run out, that is not near enough for all of us to manage here.

He's been doing some odd jobs, helping a friend of his establish a shop (he's an auto mechanic) in a town about 13-14 miles from here and the thought has been they would open this garage together, etc. However, both Mandy and I know he hasn't crossed all his "t's" nor dotted all the "I's" to this venture and they have no cushion to fall back on either so this idea, right now, is extremely risky business. EXTREMELY SO! I hate to say anything to him at all about these things because I know he feels I am just an old stick in the mud who doesn't want him to get ahead, get a business of his own, "his salvation," as it were, is how he is regarding this venture. And I would dearly love to see him be able to do that BUT only after he has shown he has the full ability to cover things in the start-up process. I'm not trying to rain on his parade, nor is Mandy but there is just so much at stake right now and no capital at all for them, for the family, to fall back on that I can't really see it as the great move as he is anticipating it would be. Not at this point in time anyway.

My son called this afternoon and told me of two jobs he heard about in his travels yesterday and that he forgot to mention to the son-in-law when he talked to him this morning -both have very good potential. One would be with a utility company as a "company mechanic" with union wages and benefits. The other would be with a smaller, private company but the guy who owns it is local and has a reputation for paying very good wages and being a very fair employer too. The latter might possibly be the easiest for the son-in-law to fall into if we can show him that this route would be immeasurably safer right now and he can still work towards his own business by building up some cushioning then with the security of a stable, better job right now.

And my last real concern right now is about the teacher/censorship problem I mentioned in my post the other day. In speaking to the teacher involved, it was suggested to me that perhaps I could write a letter to the Board or even speak at the next meeting. I would be happy to do either however, I am concerned about how to word a letter or a prepared speech (I don't do ad lib type things very well, as my voice and words get all discombobulated then) because I am not sure about how much I can say without digging a deeper hole perhaps for the teacher embroiled in this nasty situation. Because this all took place at an Executive Session at the School Board, how much of this information would be acceptable then for the general public to have wind of, you know? Is all of this supposed to have been kept ultra-secret from the public or what? By writing a letter or speaking up, am I going to further endanger the teacher's position then?

I hate -no, I loathe, abhor and despise the antics here -the censorship thing. I think it is absolutely despicable for any one person, any group, to dictate what others may or may not read, view, listen to, enjoy, etc. To label drama, the plays, etc., as "not being literature" to me shows a totally backward stance, one that I might have expected and understood had this taken place 50 some years ago when I was a kid -but it didn't! Now, in the 21st Century, when we are "supposed" to be a much more enlightened society, I feel these select few individuals -who in my opinion are totally ignorant of full learning -are trying to take us back even before the Victorian Era. As someone commented here on the other post -and as my son said too -would they say this about Shakespeare and judge his works as not being "literature?" Heaven forbid the kids would think of putting on something like "MacBeth" which is really murder and mayhem, isn't it?

I just do not understand how people can even think of doing something like this. And as much as I would like to help the teacher here, I am afraid because maybe I know too much and then again, maybe I don't know enough here either.

The whole thing worries me though because I just don't understand why on earth someone who is supposedly working to ensure the best education possible for the kids today would even think about destroying a wonderful program that has been developed in our school. One that has won numerous awards too through out the area for the plays they have put on over the past 6-7 years now and has provided so much valued experience for all the kids who have participated in these events too.

Just mind boggling isn't it?

And that, combined with the other things in my life, all has me in a very upset, depressed and worried frame of mind!