Saturday, November 17, 2012


Beautiful day today -sky is a lovely shade of blue and the only sort of cloud formation I saw as Sammy and I did our first walk of the day was a little bit of a wisp of a cloud over in the northeast horizon! The temps are pretty decent for November too, thankfully. I probably could have got away with just tossing on my lightweight fleece jacket but I was bundled up to the hilt -as sunny days here can still be deceptively cold, ya know -had my red scarf on, along with the red, white and green hat I crocheted a couple weeks ago and my red gloves with the extension that can go clear up almost to my elbows.

Yeah, I was ready for Jack Frost to be more present that he really was but it was chilly enough that my cheeks are still a bit on the icy side as I type this.

I've been trying to take Sam out at least twice a day for a walk down our road to where the pavement ends and the dirt road to Peale (the ghost town near here) begins. It does help keep the accident level down with him, for sure!

The morning -or more like very late morning or noonish walk, is our "constitutional" -good for his innards to do a bit of a cleansing  and good for my system too in that often it pushes the sluggishness of my system to sort of rejuvenate a little bit, gives me a wake-up to the senses (especially when it's really cold) and kind of helps to jump start my mind as well.

Lately, as Sam and I walk I try to notice different things around me in hopes it will clear some of the things that are really giving me a whole lot of stress for about the past two months now. Two months ago this weekend, I really thought I was well on my way to having a complete nervous breakdown or at the very least, a major depression spell. The depression issues are still present but not quite as high-level as they were that particular weekend when the least little movement had me dissolving into tears and more tears. I hadn't cried that much in a long, long time -years, actually. Sammy and I went for more really long, long walks that weekend than I have taken in an equally long period of time too.

Right now, I'm readjusting myself to the apparent fact that I didn't get a job I applied for recently and one for which -surprise, surprise -I had even gotten a call to come in for an interview too! That -the interview part -is highly unusual for me as in the past, very few jobs that I ever applied for did I ever get a call for an interview.

I tried not to get my hopes up too high with respect to this particular job -although I really would have loved to have been hired as I could have had the option of working only 15--20 hours a week and could have gradually increased my hours if I felt I wanted to and could feasibly handle it. The other really nice thing about this particular job was the fact that it was right up my alley with respect to my degree, my field of study in college! It had darned good potential for me -at least in my opinion.

However, they had told me at the interview that they would notify all candidates whether they would be hired OR NOT within two weeks and yesterday was the end of that two week period. And, since I heard nothing from them, I am assuming that my name will not be going on their employment roster then.

So, today's walk was a bit of a destressor for me with respect to that particular potential form of employment. I had tried to keep myself as low-key as possible since getting the call for the interview and for the interview itself as I didn't want to allow myself to think in overly positive ways about being hired to try to avoid a really huge letdown if that didn't take place. And, today I'm pretty relieved that I did that otherwise, I'd be wanting to sit in a corner, drink beer, pull my hair out one strand at a time and  cry!

I've been there and done that on numerous times before -even over jobs that I never even got a callback to come in for an interview. Employment searching over the past 20-30 years, for me, has been a not very good proposition for some reason or other. When you rarely get called for an interview or even if you do luck out and get that far but don't get hired, it does wear you ego, your self-confidence levels down to next to nothing at times. Tends to make a person feel totally worthless no matter how many others around you keep trying to tell you that you'd have made an excellent person on this job or that one that you'd applied for.

Oh well! Just drop back five an punt I guess and start looking all over again!


Debo Blue said...

Cheers Jeni, you're almost through with this season. Good thing you understand the right way to de-stress and not keep all that frustration in and sending it to others who don't deserve it.

Regarding the job, well, we've all been there. In the meantime, keep the resume polished off and remember, the line may move but the goal never will.

Your friend...

terri said...

I'm sorry, Jeni. I'm sorry for the feelings of depression that have plagued your recently and I'm sorry that your job search isn't going as you'd hoped. No one could blame you for feeling down. I hope things turn around and that a good job opportunity comes your way soon.

Paula said...

Oh Jeni! I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time of it. Praying that things look up for you soon and in the meantime your walks continue to help.

Unknown said...

Hi, Jeni -

Sorry you're having a difficult stretch. I had never been out of work until this last economic crash and while I'm fortunate to be far enough along that I really could retire, it gave me a taste of how ego-crushing the experience can be. I'll put you in my prayers ...

Have a Happy Thanksgiving