Friday, February 11, 2011

Juggling -past vs present

Yesterday, I blogged about the funeral for a dear lady who had always been a very good friend to me. I said I try to use her as a role model for my own life.

And, I do. I try.

Don't always succeed very well in that quest though, I must confess.

Although I'm quite sure there probably were many times, many things, in Betty's life that angered her greatly or hurt her a heck of a lot too, but somehow, she always seemed to rise above things like that.

And it's that aspect about her that I'm struggling with right now.

My daughter informed me the other day that some things are going to be changing here in this old household -in the very near future -and I know that those things -when they happen -are going to make my trying to deal with life, with other people, people who tend to really bring out the worst side possible in me - very, very difficult.

I'll not go into details right now as to those changes that are coming. I've dealt with it before and so, here it is once again, on my plate. I'm not happy, not in the least about this but at the same time, circumstances being what they are, I also know there aren't any alternatives but to allow this individual back into our lives, into my life.

So I am trying to work on ways -to find ways I should say, I suppose -to at least tone the anger I feel down as much as possible.

I find it very difficult to deal with this person because no matter what I say, what I do, the response I will get back is one of indifference and a reaction to my words to the effect that I don't know diddly squat about that which I speak.

Uh huh. Go ahead and tell me that.

I'm not a genius -that much is for certain -but I do have a certain modicum of intelligence. I also have many years of experience in life -way more than this person has -and I do know from that alone a heck of a lot then.

But in order to keep some even small bit of peace, I'm really gonna have to be biting my tongue.

Look for me to be talking with a very severe lisp in the near future -all caused by the big hole(s) I'm gonna be sporting in my tongue to try to be civil!

And if you have any suggestions as to how to tone one's anger down to a very dull roar, keep resentments from flushing through my system -please, feel free to pass them along to me as I'm definitely gonna need all the help I can get!



Suldog said...

Jeni -

I say this with all due respect for your naturally peaceful nature, and with knowledge that I have little knowledge of the situation you'll be facing, but sometimes you should feel free to just curse the bejeezus out of some people. If some dillweed is giving you nothing but snarls and grumbles, and it will make you feel better to scream at the joker, I'd say go for it. At the very least, that person might think twice before being such an obnoxious jerk again. Just my two uninformed cents.

Lori said...

Oh dear Jeni...something that I do when having to deal with difficult people(meaning, when I cannot avoid is pray and try to see them the way God see's them...and I try to put myself in their it possible to have a house meeting in order to start out with good communication in tact? Maybe you could write your concerns them to your daughter a respectful way of course...and then just pray...then when or if you can have this meeting with this difficult person you could express to them your concerns. You could even print these down on paper and read it to them...and if would be a good idea to give her or him a is possible to have both of you come to an agreement of respect? And then both of you sign it?

Whenever we have had meetings with my step daughter this is what we have to do with her. This way we know she is aware what we are expecting from her...and we have her sign the paper as her acknowledgement that she is completely understanding what we are expecting from her. My step daughter is a pathological liar and very disrespectful so this way I am composed and know what I am going to say to her...and I don't have to play her games of "You didn't say that or I didn't know anything about this."

While I do think it's good when we can keep ourselves from saying hurtful things or from saying something we will regret later, I don't think it is wrong for us to speak the truth and to say it in a firm way.

I laughed at Suldogs comment because part of me agree's with him in the sense of sometimes people really need to hear it...this doesn't mean you are saying it with hate in your heart. It really is a diservice to anyone when they are allowed to be rude, disrespectful or I absolutely hope you don't allow this.

I pray it all goes well. Sending hugs love and positive thoughts your way. XX

pomsand said...

Hi Jeni,
I agree with Suldog and Lori. Sometimes you have to let things ride and other times you have to be heard. but most of all everyone involved should agree to communicate like adults and to respect each other.
Just my opinion, Sherri

TechnoBabe said...

The thing I do is remind myself that I count too. I matter. If you share a home with others, you do things to get along and respect their boundaries and make your boundaries clear to the people you live with.
You don't have to have conversations with people who make it difficult to discuss things with them. I wish you well when the changes come about in your home, and remember, these changes don't have to change your (you, Jeni, the individual person) life. The only thing changing is the number of people living in the house.

terri said...

I can't offer any better advice than the others here. Not to mention, I'm not very good in the kind of situation you describe. Too damn stubborn, I suppose, to be proactive about such a situation.

I don't think it would be out of the question to sit with your daughter and agree on reasonable expectations before this big change happens. After all, it is YOUR house and while you all may need to live together to support and provide for one another, everyone deserves to be respected.

Maggie May said...

I get put in a certain position sometimes too..... so I think I know what you mean.

I'd say..... that you do so much for the children and under the circumstances of you illness & treatment, I think other people should be treating you with the respect that you deserve and that you shouldn't have to alter your ways too much to fit in with an irritating other.
It is your home too!
Hoping I haven't stuck my neck out too much!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

fermicat said...

Wishing you lots of grace and serenity to deal with what is coming. Find ways to take care of yourself and don't keep it all bottled inside.