Friday, June 13, 2008


A friend of mine from a writer's group I belong to loves to toss words into his messages to the group at large that have a distinct flavor of the, shall we say, "hillbilly" south. One of them being that he uses the work "nekid" rather than spelling it correctly as "naked." And, I'm using his spelling here as a forewarning too that some aspects of this post may be found, well not necessary words that are used in mixed company and may dwell a bit on certain functions in life -necessary ones -but not usually spoken about really openly.

With that in mind, brace yourself, and I shall begin.

Those who have read my blog for any length of time will probably remember (I've mentioned this before I do believe) that I have had colo-rectal cancer -chemo, radiation, surgery, more chemo and for five years now, all has been well -remission I do believe, OK? I also had surgery two years after that for an obstruction in my right urinary tract. The surgery there did not remove the obstruction but rather just rewired things to route around it. Also, things there have been fine. And then about 20 months ago, due to issues with my intestines, I had a colostomy -something most people really DON'T talk about in mixed company. But I'm gonna break down that little boundary line tonight and tell you something about my day today that will necessitate mentioning bodily functions, etc., etc. Ok? You get the picture?

I had a doctor's appointment schedule for this afternoon -regular check-up, pap smear, preliminary breast exam prior to my next boobie crushing event. Mandy and the two little ones were out as Kurtis had his appointment for his weekly "Floortime" therapy and Mandy took Maya to eliminate any potential for meltdowns if she'd left the little princess behind.

I was getting ready to take my shower when they returned home. Just about to get in the tub really but first, I decided I best take care of some other "issues" shall we say -like emptying a specific part of the colostomy set-up.

Hearing Mandy and the kids coming in, I decided I'd best lock the bathroom door cause privacy in the bathroom in this house is virtually unheard of with Maya and Kurtis both running about. The only difference there being Kurtis just runs in and out, sees nothing out of the ordinary or strange about what we might be doing there whereas with Maya, you run the risk of having to play 20 questions. Knowing what I had to do, I envisioned if I didn't try to lock her out, I would be playing more like 60 questions and I really didn't have time for that. Nor do I always have reasonable explanations for her about those kind of questions either.

Because I was about to get into the shower (had the water all primed, running, etc.) I didn't flush the commode cause that would have caused my hot shower to run cold for a couple minutes. So I left things as they were.

Got in the tub, lathered, scrubbed, rinsed and was getting ready to take one last comfortable duck under the water stream when I heard noise in the bathroom -a voice. Oh Rats! She was in the bathroom as sometimes she can figure out how to get the door to unlock -usually when you least want that to happen too. So I started to hurry up to finish and then I heard her laughing -loudly -and proclaiming (also loudly) "Bye bye Grammy's poopie!" I grabbed at the spigot to turn the water off before I ended up getting a really icy blast but the whole time I was yelling to her "DON'T FLUSH THE COMMODE, MAYA! Please don't flush the commode!" Thankfully, I won in that I got the water turned off in time. Opened the shower door and she's standing there, just as pleased as punch over what she'd done. (Sheesh! If only she took as much pleasure in using that facility for her OWN bodily functions, ya know!)

Ok - moving along from that, got dried off, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to roll to the doctor's office.

Keep in mind today was just beautiful here -bright blue skies, sunshine, nice breeze, warmth with out extremes! Great weather.

Anyway, I got to the doctor's office and because of the examinations/tests, etc to be done today, they told me to strip. Yep! Everything off! Gave me one of those flimsy little cover-ups and told me to leave it open in the front.

I did as instructed, got up on the examining table and tried to sort of pull the edges of this gown together but they sort of didn't meet. Too much me and too little gown, ya know. So there I was, sitting on the examining table -yes, in all my nekidness (as my friend Gale would say), trying to take advantage of this brief time to polish off a few more pages in the Jodi Picoult book I am currently reading -"Songs of the Humpback Whales."

And then, suddenly, I was engulfed in pitch black DARKNESS!!! Couldn't see a thing!

I could hear the doctor, the nurses, the physician's assistant all running up and down the hall outside the examining room and talking nervously about "check the breakers" -do this, do that. I'd already figured there was a power outage. Yeah, duh! Kind of smart that way every now and again.

After about five minutes, my doctor stuck her head in the door and apologized to me for the delay but apparently there was this power outage, ya know. Not a problem, I say. Stuff like this does happen from time to time around here -probably in your neck of the world too, it's fair to say. Didn't bother me -not really -other than I was thinking this was a heck of a way to ruin my chances of getting a few more pages read in my book. The Doctor mentioned too that she would leave the door cracked open a bit as there was some light in the hallway outside there coming in from the windows in her office -that nice natural sunshine. Then she added to me that it was safe too because there wasn't a male in the building. Not that I was worried if there had been one and if he would have peeked in the room cause he wouldn't have been able to see a thing since it was still pretty dark in there and besides that, I was sitting behind a pulled curtain and also, can't forget, I had that lovely little -very little -examining gown on too ya know!

After about ten minutes more, the doctor came back in and said it looked like I'd have to reschedule my checkup cause they had no idea at all what had caused the blackout in their building but it appeared they weren't the only place affected by it either. Seems the bank next door was without power too because their clock/thermometer thing out front had quit functioning too. So I got dressed in the dark -not so dark that I couldn't find my clothes ya know -but yes, it was dark. No big deal there either.

Went to leave and the receptionist said I was to reschedule for my appointment and then it dawned on her she couldn't do that for me either because their schedule maker is on their computer -of course - and no power, no computer, no scheduling and to me, no big deal either. I told her when the power comes back up, just set me up for another visit and call me with the date and time and off I went.

Apparently there had either been an accident -perhaps someone hit a pole, knocked a transformer out or something or who knows, could have been a power overload on the system too for that matter.

But for me, it was just a kind of fun way to end my visit today at my doctor's office.

Yes, I lead such an exciting life that I blog about sitting naked in a dark -very dark -doctor's office and tell you all about other bodily functions of mine as well.

Ain't it all just grand though?

And yes, I am feeling much, much better EVERY DAY too now since my ordeal on Sunday with the darned diverticulitis. (HINT here: Keep your system running smoothly -fiber, fiber, fiber -and lots of water too so you can avoid a lot of the problems I've had over the past five years and the last couple of days.) And the meds I think are also curing a lot of other ailments that were lying just below the surface to - not bad enough to make me really ill but just enough to make me not feel "right" -lots of lethargy, a bit (understatement some days on this) of depression here and there and in general, just feeling really braindead. So much so that for quite some time I couldn't think of anything I felt was of interest to write about and today, my mind was swimming with all kinds of topics.

Yeah right and what do I decide on -well, now you know cause you just read it, didn't ya?


And may you all have smooth sailing!


Stine said...

Hahaha - you sure got your topic sorted out...
Great post, Jeni - and thanks for you kind words!

terri said...

You are SUCH a good sport! I hate those personal type appointments and once I'm there, they better get it done and over with so I can forget about it for another year.

fermicat said...

A comedy of errors! You have such a humorous way of telling these stories, too.

And you've reminded me, I am overdue for my next "boob crushing". Drat.