The Wanderer

On Sunday, I posted the article about my aunt, her life and that some of her friends and family had gathered that day to help her celebrate her 90th birthday. What I didn't tell you was some of the things that happened to me that day.

Because Mandy had to work, there was no way I could go over to the nursing home and take both the little ones with me. I just don't have the physical strength to do that any more. But I decided since Mandy's husband was going to be home, I'd take Miss Maya with me. She's gone over to the home with me in the past and I'd never had a problem with her. Plus, my cousin and his wife who had organized the get-together had only ever seen Maya once before and their daughter, her husband and baby were coming up for the afternoon and I figured it would be nice for them to get to know Maya a trifle.

Unfortunately, Maya decided as soon as I had the van parked and shut the engine off that being a sweet little girl, such as she can be most of the time, wasn't in the hand she had in mind to deal me that day.

I no sooner shut the engine off when she commenced to fussing. Not the normal kind of whining fussing most kids that age will do but Maya's kind which is a lot louder - sometimes kind of like a banshee shrieking when she is going into one of her infamous "meltdowns."

I started to talk to her calmly, telling her everything was fine, nothing to be afraid of and we had to go inside and give Aunt Mike her b-day card, have cake and ice cream and of course, we had to sing "Happy Birthday" to Aunt Mike too. I reminded her we had been singing "Happy Birthday" in the van on the drive over so that she would be in good singing voice, remember all the words, etc. and after about five minutes, she did calm down and got out of her car seat. We walked across the parking lot, along the sidewalk so nicely and she was as pleasant as she could be.

But as soon as we passed through the double doors and set foot into the lobby, she sprung a sneak "meltdown" attack on me. Screaming, shrieking, crying, sobbing, sitting on the floor, rolling on the floor in her wild attempts to keep me from picking her up.

As I was working, trying to get her to listen to me, to calm down, etc., several people who were attending my aunt's birthday party came through, saw me struggling with Maya and I tried, briefly, to explain to each of those who don't know her that she has "issues" and apparently, the last time we were over to visit at the home, shortly after they moved my aunt and cousin to the second floor, she had wigged out on Mandy and I that day too. But we attributed that to the fact that we had to take the elevator to get up to the second floor and we'd both forgotten that elevators sometimes scare the living daylights out of Maya. And, apparently when she and I walked into the lobby on Sunday, she remembered that last visit and the elevator.

It took me well over a half-hour before I could get her quieted down and calm enough that she would allow me to carry her back to the room where the gathering was being held. Once inside that room though, she whimpered a little bit but then indicated she wanted down. I put her down and she proceeded to roam around the room, from table to table, visiting with all these people there. So, you know she isn't "strange" and afraid of people anyway. Not in the least.

She walked up to Aunt Mike with me, let Aunt Mike hug her briefly and even managed to repeat after me "Happy Birthday Aunt Mike." And she didn't back away from Jane Ann, Aunt Mike's daughter, who sometimes in her zeal and excitement around little children, occasionally grabs them by the hair to get them closer to her. But Jane was on her good behavior on Sunday and didn't do that to Maya.

I stood and talked to my cousin Mike for a little while and Maya explored the room some more, discovering the birthday cake in the process. Mike laughed as he watched her staring longingly at the cake and remarked about how cute that was the way she was looking it all over. I told him yeah, but be very careful too because she has very fast fingers and LOVES to take her index finger and slick it across icing since it is one of her favorite food components! And sure enough, she was just ready to clip one of the big icing flowers on the cake when Mike caught her in the nick of time. She didn't get all worked up and upset with him as he handled her very calmly and quietly, and told her that as soon as he and his wife Bea cut the cake, he would see to it that she got that very piece with the big beautiful pink rose on it.

Maya watched, fascinated, as Mike and Bea cut the cake. Instead of putting 90 candles on it -which would have really ruined the cake, ya know, they had two candles - a "9" and a "0" -to indicate 90 years and Maya's eyes focused long and hard on those candles and all of a sudden she looks at me and pointing at the cake, says to me "Ninety?" Mike and Bea heard her and both were really amazed that she could identify that number. You betcha she can - she can count to well up in the 100's and even can count backwards too! Pretty doggone good for a 3-year-old, I think.

When the group sang "Happy Birthday" to Aunt Mike, Maya even joined in the singing too. I gave her the card for Aunt Mike and told her to go give it to her, but when she got up beside Aunt Mike's wheel chair, she couldn't get her attention, so she turned around to Jane Ann, Aunt Mike's daughter, and gave her the card. Fortunately, my cousin Mike's wife saw that and she got the card from Jane before she had a chance to rip it up.

When it came time to leave, Maya was having such a good time exploring the room, taking napkins and offering to wipe the windows in the room -or "clean" them, that I was afraid at first she was going to throw a bit of hissy then about leaving but I managed to bribe her to leave by telling her we could go "Walmar" (one of her favorite things is to go to Walmart) and she left quietly with me then. Fortunately, she isn't familiar yet with landmarks along the highway that goes past Walmart or she might have pitched a fit with me for not taking her up there as I had said we might do.

I'd also told her maybe on the way home we could stop at Jim and Charmaine's - the little restaurant on the edge of the town where we live. And, as I was booking down Rte 53, I zipped past J/C's and went to make the turn on the road into town when she realized we had just passed Jim/Charmaine's and she started to cry "Wan' see Charmaine. Wan' see Charmaine!" And, I knew that if I didn't stop and take her in there it would be a battle royal to get her out of the van and into the house when we did get home.

So, in we went! Fortunately, Charmaine and her sister, Jeanne, both are really very good to Maya and love to watch some of her antics. I think sometimes too they both love to see what Maya will do to try to get my goat as well just to see me sweat ya know. But anyway, I got a cup of coffee and Maya insisted she had to have a pepsi, so a pepsi it was. She was pretty good, sitting quietly for quite a while, sipping on her pepsi before the old urge to explore the place took hold on her as it usually does.

She has to go check out all the video games in the dining room as well as in the bar, plus the pool table and the jukebox. To get her to come back and sit down, Jeanne turned the tv on and got the Country Music Video channel on because they know that is her favorite channel to watch too!

Maya doesn't like to sit for very long though and pretty soon, she was following Jeanne back into the kitchen area and she managed to find a straw hat someone had given to Jim - looked sort of like a safari type pith helmet ya know and she put that on her head and was strolling in and out of the kitchen with this goofy hat on which had both Jim and Charmaine laughing at her. From the hat, she moved over to a table adjacent to where I was sitting and announced she wanted crayons so she could color on the place mat. This kid doesn't forget when people provide her with neat little things to keep her occupied up there but I did manage to convince her that she couldn't do the coloring thing there that day.

She started to roam the dining room again and it was at that time that she pulled a little trick that really shocked the heck out of all of us there. There was an older couple seated by the wall at a small table that was set up for three people, max and without any second thought at all, Maya proceeded to go up to that couple, pull out the empty chair at their table and hiked herself up on the chair, sitting there so nicely you'd have thought she belonged with them.

Apparently, the guy had a glass of iced tea with lemon and had removed the lemon slice and had it laying on a small plate there, right in front of where Maya had parked herself and she just reached up, snagged that slice of lemon and popped it in her mouth, eating the pulp, sucking what ever amount of lemon juice may still have been left in the slice!

This couple, Jeanne, Charmaine and I all just howled laughing at her doing that! She was just so nonchalant about it too - like she was showing anyone who was watching that, hey - I do this kind of stuff every day, don't 'cha know!

When Mandy got home from work that evening and I was telling her everything her darling little daughter had done that afternoon and early evening - good things and bad - Mandy had to call Charmaine and talk to her about the lemon slice thing. Charmaine was still chuckling, as was Jeanne, two hours after that had happened too!

Isn't it just oh so much fun though to take a three-year-old out for a little social call and see the things the kid can get into -and get away with too?

And all this leads me up to the Bushism for Wednesday, April 25, 2007. I think you'll like this one too!

"I admit it, I am not one of the great linguists." - on the NBC Newes special The Bush White House: Inside the Real West Wing; January 23, 2001.

Yep, Dubya - I think we can all agree with that!

Good or Bad?

The Bushism of the day is this:
Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that." (Washington, D.C, May 11, 2001 -the quote for Saturday/Sunday January 6/7th)

Taking it from that comment, isn't that a bit like the job of parenting too?

I mean by that, as parents, does anyone set out from day one not to try to teach their child(ren) manners, various little skills, vocabulary, ways to help that chld learn basic skills, high-levels of learning later and just in general, ways to guide them through all the good, bad and sometimes what can also be the very ugly side that life can present to each of us?

I suppose there are some parents who are lacking so much in their own personal skill levels and abilities that for them to try to teach skills to their children that would allow for an improved life for the kids, is next to impossible to achieve even on the lowest level. But, for the most part, I do think the overwhelming majority of parents DO try to Teach their children at least the simplest of the basics - knowing right from wrong, "Do unto others as you would want done to you." THinks like that.

How successful any of us is at this task varies greatly too and sometimes, can cause a myriad of other problems for the person intended to be the learner as well as the self-appointed teacher too!

As an example here, let's take the situation which took place within my family Christmas Night. My son wrecked my car!

Now, what actions should I or could I have taken after the fact there?

Should I have, when he came into the house after the fact, just rushed up to him with open arms, hugging him, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back and told him "Oh, I am so thankful you are not hurt."

Well, the fact of the matter is, all those emotions were going through my mind - yes, I was thankful he escaped uninjured and I know he was, even at the older, supposedly more mature age of 33, he was scared too and it is an instinct I suppose no matter how old your kids are, that you do want to give some type of comfort.

Or, should I have just launched into a major attack and had the whole family up all night listening to me lecture him on the error of his ways, his lousy use of common sense, no good judgement, no respect for others property - those any many other little things come to mind that I could probably still be yelling and preaching about to him. But, in the end, would it have done any good?

Should I have taken a belt and whipped the living daylights out of him? He's a lot taller than me, a lot stronger than me too for that matter - but would an action or reactio like that have cured and corrected the situation? Highly doubtful.

Did I speak to him about what he had done? Yes, indeed I did. And I prefaced it too by telling him I do NOT want to hear any of his "I'm so sorry Mom" hang-dog expressions of self-pity and all that because this resolve nothing and actually, would make him feel better about himself and his stupid actions. And yes, indeed, they were some stupid actions on his part that got all of us into this predicament too!

I did give him a lecture at the time - nothing long, drawn out - but a lecture all the same. And then, I told him I really do not want to discuss this anymore at this point in time. Maybe later, when I am calmer, when you are ready to acknowledge what you did, why and understand how stupid it was and makes no sense, but now - no, it would do nothing other than to keep my own blood pressure levels highly elevated!

But after one has a situation whehter it be like what we had or some other thing that upsets the entire apple cart within the family, inevitably, the questions crop up in your mind as to where did I go wrong over the years in trying to teach this kid to be a good, decent and responsible citizen - a loving (and very loved too) member of this immediate family as well as a large, caring extended family and in a circle that also includes many, many very close friends. Where the heck did I screw up, how could I have impressed on him better what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior?

I'm quite sure there are at least several - possibly many - who know me and know my kids and know and think they understand all the inner workings of our home too who will be johnny on the spot to tell me what I should have done years and years ago to "fetch him up right." And, if I were to base all my questions and answers I give myself according to Dr. Phi and his admonitions to child rearing, then no, I shouldn't have used many of the words that are a big part of my vocabulary but damn, sometimes just saying this is a mess you just created here has no impact whatsoever whereas when you raise your voice a tad (or more) and emphasize that "I am not putting up with this kind of S**t from you" maybe does get their attention a trifle better - at least at that point in time!

I can honestly sit back and say that I did try, very hard too, over the years to instill in my kids that there are somethings we must do that are absolute necessities. We must try to be the best possible employee for whoever it is that decides to give us an opportunity to earn a living - whether you absolutely love the job or despise it, doesn't give us the right to be a poor worker for whatever level of income you manage to receive from said job! Did that message sink in to my kids? Overall, I think I did get that across and for the most part, they understand that and agree with my theories there too!

Were they taught how to behave in public or in other people's homes? Well, I tried and when they were growing up - from the time they were toddlers till they were in elementary school, they often had to go with me into homes of others in this community while I tried to entice people into placing more orders through me of Avon's fine products. And, I will say this much for them, I could take them into some of the finest homes in the area and some that were pretty doggone disorganized too, but I never had to worry that they would be wandering around, playing touchy-feely with all kinds of knick knacks people might have set out and about in their home. I knew too they would sit by my side or my feet and quietly listen and allow me to show any new items, talk and joke with the customer and on occasion, if asked a question by the person whose home we were in, be expected to be able to give a suitable response - one that showed respect to the person the child was answering for openers!

If I were to try to do that job today, with my 3-year-old granddaughter, I would be a nervous wreck! Not because we aren't trying to teach her proper behavior but because she has some delays in her learning ability and getting her to obey, to keep her little fingers to herself, is a totally different circumstance than I dealt with when my kids were her age. In due time, I think we will achieve the goal of good, respectable behavior of her, but it is just taking a lot longer to do that with her at this point in time. Tantrums at times are a part of her behavior - something I didn't have to deal with in public with my kids - but because we can't always get her to comprehend what we want in the way of actions/reactions from her, it can create the appearance that she is not being disciplined at all at times, and that is not the case!

No matter how young or how old YOUR child(ren) may be, we, as parents, always worry, always want to see them act in the best possible manner and when on occasion, they don't seem to pay attention to things they were taught from the get-go, we do often put a lot of blame on ourselves. We also often give the standard lectures too that were doled out since the beginning of time "What the hell were you thinking?" for openers perhaps. Or, one of my favorites was always "Is there a brain inside that thing sitting atop your shoulders?" That one is one Dr. Phil probably would frown on as it does maybe give the kid a lower feeling of him/herself on the self-esteem totem pole. But heck, how else are you supposed to ask if the kid THINKS about anything being done before hand for possible consequences?

So for now, I'm still sitting here, thinking about all the events of this week and wondering how I should have handled this or that, how I could have raised this kid to be the perfect poster child so many of my friends seem to have been able to produce.

But then too, I stop and think hmmm - this or that person may THINK their child is the perfect little angel but I know that kid did this or does that and it may not be exactly kosher - especially if the parent knew or even acknowledged that the child has that behavior too!

Right now, I think I'll take and accept my son, both my daughters and my grandkids now too - just as they are - good, bad and sometimes, ugly - but still I love 'em! May not like what they do all the time, I may downright despise, hate what they do at times, but regardless, I always have, always will still love 'em!

Now, if I can get them to do the same for me, maybe all will be fine and dandy in the end!

You tell me!